I [18F] feel like a terrible girlfriend to my boyfriend [19M].

(EDIT: I made a typo in the title, he is also 18.)

We have been dating for a year and almost 5 months. We both love each other and when we are both happy, its great.

I'd say that there are two issues with us, and both of them are my fault.

The first is that I'm a very emotional person. I'm so insecure. I kind of hate myself. I have friends and people who like me but we rarely hang out and I am too scared to initiate. So I get lonely. I end up using him as almost an emotional crutch. I tell him all my problems but the issue is he isn't emotional. He doesn't know how to deal with emotions very well and often he ends up making me feel worse. We always make up afterwards but it kind of sucks. But I would hate not talking to him when I'm sad. I don't know what to do. He says i just put all of this on him. He is right. It isn't fair to him.

The second issue is probably worse and a cause of fights. There is a bit of backstory for this so bear with me. He has a friend, lets call her Kim. Kim and him were best friends. I had minor jealousy stuff but nothing I couldn't handle and it was rarely, if ever, an issue. Then one day Kim gets mad at me about something petty. I'm confrontational, so I confronted her, and she said that she just didn't like me. That would be fine, I don't like me either, but she had tried to be my friend and actively acted like she liked me for months. Many months. She did this to make my boyfriend happy and keep the "group" happy. I hate this. I hate being lied to. After saying this, she even continued to try to stay my friend, but she was stupid and told my boyfriend why she didn't like me. SHe tried to lie again! I was so hurt. It was a huge blow to my self esteem.

I don't know if I cut people off easily. But I expected my boyfriend to stop being friends with her. But he didn't. This happened like half a year ago and it still hurts me. It hurts me that they are friends. But I have no right to be. I get super controlling about it. I want to know when they talk, and what about. I hate it when they hang out and I know i shouldn't but I get pretty upset when they do. I know I am obsessing about it. I know I should get over it. I just don't know how. I see her and him together every day at school- we share first period. It will get easier when we graduate since Kim is going to a far college but what if it doesn't? And what if he resents me for all the fighting we had about it? He is sick of it. I know he is.

What prompted me to make this is the fact that he got more mad than he ever has about it. He said he was going over to say hi to Kim and her friend. I got mad. I said "Do you have to?" And he said no, I just want to see them like I want to see you. And then i said.. well. yelled, "Yea but seeing me doesn't hurt anyone!" He was really upset. He left to see them. later, when I got a chance to see him again, he said he didn't want to talk to me. I apologized. He said that he was still mad at me and still didn't want to talk to me.

By this point I was devastated and basically followed him around like a lost puppy. Soon he said i was just annoying him and making it worse by pestering him and that we would take later, later being tomorrow. He said he won't stay mad at me indefinitely but this is the first time he has been so mad that he won't even talk to me. I'm really upset and I don't have anyone to talk to because it is late...

I shouldn't have yelled. I lack self control I am irrational and I am harsh. He is already under a ton of stress. And I just make it worse. I have a shitton of other flaws. I can provide a lot more details if asked. Thanks so much for reading.

tl;dr: I'm over emotional and hurt about something that happened long in the past that wasn't even his fault. I feel like a terrible girlfriend and I don't know how to be better.