I'm still scared and I'm desperately seeking help (16/F).

About four months ago, I finally built up the courage to end a toxic relationship that I was in. Throughout this relationship, I knew he was toxic. I knew everything that he was doing was absolutely horrible, but every time I tried to end it, he pulled me right back in. I don't want to go into detail about the things that he had did to me, but he sexually abused me, physically abused me, and most of all, mentally abused me. I still cannot forget all of the abuse that I have received from this boy. I find it difficult to sleep at night and I find it extremely difficult to cope with life. I am so sad, so scared, and so ashamed. I know that none of this was my fault, but I feel like it is. I could've stopped him from raping me, but I was a coward. I couldn't move. This boy, just thinking about him brings me to tears. I cannot even begin to explain some of the things that he has done to me. He has made me lose plenty of friends. He would torture me everyday. Literally. He called it, "What will happen to you game". I don't want to talk about the things that had happened to me. Anyway, when I went on a trip with my marching band to Disneyland, that's when I knew I had to end it. Not only did he sprain my wrist and slap me across the face on this trip, but nobody, and I mean nobody ruins Disneyland for me. This trip changed my life. As soon as we got back home, the breakup process lasted about two weeks. He wouldn't leave me alone and would make me feel like complete and utter shit for leaving him. It took me a lot of guts to say no. To continue, I am currently in a much better relationship. I have never felt so happy before and this guy actually treats me respectfully and with love! I have never felt so loved before. My dad left when I was six and I had another incident where a boy sexually abused me, so his sweetness is a bit overwhelming. This boy actually saved me from my ex, which is how I had gotten the courage. With this in mind, I want to forget. I can't keep crying myself to sleep and feeling scared of the past repeating itself. I want to be able to live a happy life with him and not feel so scared. How do I forget? I need to forget and stop being so afraid of life. Please help me. It has come to the point where I feel so worthless and ashamed to live.