New here, feeling a little low and hesitant. Would appreciate some kind words, support, and/or encouragement :)

Please excuse me if I'm asking redundant or stupid questions or saying redundant things -- I have never been to this subreddit or really even talked about this before, so I don't yet know how things work around here.

So, I have been kind of on the fence about weight loss because I spent about 10 years suffering from bulimia, and I'm unsure how to do it safely without spiraling into a relapse. I need some support and maybe a little motivation.

My relationship with food is generally bad, but there is no denying it: I am overweight, and I think it's time for me to nip this in the bud before it becomes more of a problem. I'm 5'7", female, 23 years old, and was at 175lbs at my last weigh-in. I would say that in all honesty, my frame is not large; if anything, it's on the smaller side. I don't get much exercise frankly because I hate doing everything I have tried except swimming and going for walks (and weather often doesn't allow for either of those), so my BF content is probably relatively high. I wear a US size 10 or 12 jeans and size M or L shirts, if that helps.

I've gained about 30lbs in the past three years. I gained a lot of weight when I was on some antipsychotic drugs to supplement my antidepressants, which I think was part of the reason, but to be honest, most of it is because the foods I like are really unhealthy, I only recently started learning how to cook for myself, I have a hard time/feel really guilty leaving a plate with food on it or throwing away food, I tend to eat when I'm bored, exercise generally feels like torture to me... blah blah blah.

Anyway, recovering from bulimia was a really big deal for me and I have been recovered for a few years now. I wouldn't want to go back down that path by trying to lose weight. I'm just wondering if anyone on this subreddit has recovered from an eating disorder and then successfully lost weight. If so, do you have any tips as far as keeping it health-focused and avoiding disordered behaviors? If so, I'd appreciate them.

I also would just like an objective opinion on this: I'm getting married in Sept of 2017 and I would ideally like to get down to 120lbs by then. This is not the only reason I want to lose weight -- I'd probably be doing this anyway -- but I think it's a solid time frame to aspire to. I know that's a lot of weight and I know it'll take a big effort, but I'm wondering if that's even a realistic or possible goal. I'm just beyond tired of cringing every time I see photos of myself/avoiding mirrors and clothing stores even when I desperately need new pants/etc. I also want to feel and look pretty on my wedding day and look back at the pictures for years and smile instead of cringing at how fat my arms look or my double chin or something like that.

Still, please believe me when I say that I want it really badly, and if any of you who have successfully dropped pounds have any suggestions whatsoever for a total beginner, please lay it on me, even if it is tough love. I'm not looking for any sugar coating.

And just for some motivation: to those of you who have been successful, how did your life change when you lost the weight? Is it worth it?

Thank you all so much for your time.