TIFU by tapping my cousin's rear bumper. At the busiest intersection in town. On a Sunday evening. With a cop right behind me. And the wealthiest man in town's daughter in my passenger seat.

As with most TIFUs, this didn't happen today, but years ago when I was 17 and stupid as hell.

It was after church on a Sunday evening in midsummer. My cousin and two friends were riding in his car (an old Ford Crown Vic) and my brother and his girlfriend (the wealthy girl) in my car (an early 90s Oldsmobile). We are at a busy intersection in town, where two large restaurants are divided by a local road that also bisects the main highway. We are just outside of downtown, at a red light.

My cousin and I are about the same age and have just hit the age where we can drive independently, without an adult in the vehicle. Earlier that week, in the middle of nowhere at a stop sign, my cousin had thought it would be funny to tap my bumper at a stop sign. Genius that I am, I think to myself, "Aha! this is my chance to tap him back."

I slowly creep up behind him.

bonk

general laughter from my brother and girl. My cousin advances three feet, waits for the light to turn green, goes into reverse, and backs into me at probably about 10mph before peeling out.

Uproarious laughter as we go through the intersection, then, red and blues in my rear-view mirror and sirens. THERE HAD BEEN A COP BEHIND ME THE WHOLE TIME AND HE SAW THE WHOLE INCIDENT.

We pull over, but the guy goes after my cousin instead, who pulls over in front of us. The cop goes to his car for a few minutes, and I'm in the driver's seat of my car going "oh shit oh shit oh shit." The cop comes over to my window, and just asks "what the fuck are you kids doing? Give me your license, and you two (my brother and girl) give me any identification you have."

We surrender our IDs and sit there. I'm quite certain my life is over, as my dad will likely kill me when he comes to get me from jail.

Cop comes back and says to the girl: "Are you (so and so's) daughter? What the fuck are you doing hanging out with these idiots?" She stammers out, "We're friends, we have been for a long time, we just got out of church."

Cop gets me out of the car and says, "your cousin up there tells me this is his fault. I actually was gonna pull only him over, because I didn't even notice you tapping him, you did it so slowly. I thought he backed into you only, now I don't know what to do. I could either take all 6 of you in and call your parents, but I think you'll wind up in the most trouble, and I really don't want to be the cop who took (so and so's) daughter into custody. So what I'm gonna do is have you raise your right hand and swear to me right here that you're never gonna do something so God-forsakenly stupid again. I could yank your license and keep you from driving until you're 21, but I think you'll learn more if I just let you go tonight, won't you?"

Me: "yessir, thankyousir."

Him: Get out of here, man. Don't tell your dad or mom or anyone else this happened."

My cousin and I both drive off after the cop gives us back our IDs. We get to where we're going, and both me and my cousin are trying to take the blame, me for rear-ending him in town, him for backing into me at the time, since "technically we were even when you tapped me back, although...right in town, man? Are you that stupid?"

TL;DR: rear-ended my cousin as a joke at a busy intersection with a cop right behind us, got let go because of knowing the right people.

EDIT: spelling, format, changed some wording for easier reading