I like this one.  

There's a few spots, usually the ending couplets of a stanza, where the rhythm gets a little funky and it kind of throws off the cadence of the stanza. The first and second ones stand out the most, maybe give them another look and add or replace syllabus. Of course, just my thoughts, do as you will.  

Besides that though I really enjoy it. You tell a good story and the way the four stanzas are set up do a good job not repeating themselves but giving kind of a different glimpse into the nature of the narrator's feelings. Great work. 


You are a really effective storyteller, I was able to see a clear progression and the verses flow nicely together.  

It reminded me of past relationships of mine, and I felt like it described a quiet acceptance of things coming to an end.  

At times, for me, the syllable pattern felt off - the end couplet of the firsy and second stanza. Maybe by removing the first person narrative,  you can work to make it fit better (if you so chose to!)  

I really loved the rhyme of "...from the *start*,  
Our *hearts* will then be far *apart*"  
It flowed really nicely.  

I feel like the poem could have more of a sense of urgency (or passivity, depending on the outlook), but I am sorry that I cannot give constructive advice about this, I am new to writing/critiquing (take everything with a grain of salt!).  

In the last couplet, I feel the word choice of "I will" is redundant. I feel like it is there to help the rhythm, but maybe something else could be used.  

Overall, I really liked this! T

Not bad, but there's something that I can't quite put my finger on. To me your poem, seems a little plain, a little dull. I feel that if you are writing about something like love, you should try to make it more unique. Try to use more metaphors, cram as much meaning into your words as possible.

>For you, I will, my heart will aim,

This seems a bit shaky. What was your idea behind this?

The narrator seems to say that s/he has heartache, but that s/he'll let the partner go if it comes down to it. Because you can't force love, which is a wise message.

Other than that, not bad. Keep practicing.

I really enjoy the way you opened this poem with a sunset. The second stanza is something that hit very close to home, as I was in a highschool sweetheart relationship that began to fade while I was in the Navy, but she stayed with me even though she wasn't entirely happy. Just hopeful....And then left me for her own well being, which I couldn't cry about because of her former sacrifice.

>my heart will aim

Almost as if it was a subconscious reaction that you had no control of. Fucking beautiful!

>I'll let you go, I'll step away.

This is the line I related the "my heart will aim" line to, more so than the line between. I felt like whether your heart was aiming for the health and happiness of the relationship or her well-being, it was for her either way. Damn, man. 

My feels got punched while reading this.

Edit: replace her for him, if that be the case.

**Will you wait for me?**  
&amp;nbsp;  

As I see the sun set today,  
I can’t help to think away,  
For a moment, I feel restrained,  
To hide feelings I kept all day.  
&amp;nbsp;  
  
  

Will you wait for me dear love?  
As long as you can hold so much,   
I will not cry when you let go,  
For all the good things you would’ve known.  
&amp;nbsp;  
  
 

I wished I’ve known this from the start,   
Our hearts will then be far apart,   
I could’ve decided to let go,   
I can’t because I love you so.  
&amp;nbsp;  

Now, we are in a waiting game,   
For you, I will, my heart will aim,   
But when your feelings then will fade,  
I’ll let you go, I'll step away.  
&amp;nbsp;  
   

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4jc4lk/the_reaper/  
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4jd4pr/wednesday/  
