Source
r/breakingmom•
34F

Did you know that most babies sleep through the night by 2-3 months old?

lady rant

You guys, my friend has it all figured out. Her first kid is an amazing sleeper, always has been. He started to sleep through the night around 10 weeks old and never stopped. She thinks this is because they moved him out of their room and stuck him in his crib at that point. THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO. My kid refused to sleep on a flat surface at that age, but what the hell do I know.

She's expecting number 2 soon, who will share a room with the older kid. I just asked when she's planning to move them in together. She said probably around 10 weeks again, but maybe the new baby will sleep through the night "early" and they can share a room sooner.

I don't get it. She knows that close to 100% of the other babies and toddlers she knows don't actually sleep that well. So does she really just think they're such excellent parents and the rest of us are idiots?

Posted May 16, 2016, 2:20 PM UTC

3230
MadamNerdMother to a cute 1 year old banshee•

Well, that's just her begging karma to give her a kid that has colic and won't leave the parents' bed until they're 5.

36
shouldbutwontIs this life real?•

LOL LOL LOL. Ok, ready? I had a magical unicorn sleeper in #1 too. I was so fucking smug. Sleep? Of course babies should sleep! My husband and I thought we had it all figured out. What a fucking smack in the face daughter #2 has been. We call her "Maria Callas" because she screams so loudly during the night. Screams! And no amount of sleep training can fix it. She likes to wake up and yell. She's 9 months now, and between 2-3am I have to go pick her up from her room so she won't wake up her older sister. She then yells at least 1-2x per night. Your friend is due for that karma train. Just smile and wait... just wait.

24
fortissim0Monkeys aged 3.5, 2, and 9mo. Is it wine o'clock yet? 🙈•

We call her "Maria Callas" because she screams so loudly during the night.

I'm sorry, but this gave me the most wicked case of the giggles.

My experiences with my first two were pretty much exactly the same as yours! My second daughter still likes to wake up on rare occasions in the middle of the night (at 2.5 y/o) and yell to see if I'm awake, then curls up and goes back to sleep once she's satisfied I'm here (and wideafuckingwake, thank you). Sigh.

Karma is a miserable twat.

10
Wish_Away•

I have a friend like this. Her baby supposedly slept through the night at six weeks...(I say supposedly because I suspect that she just slept through his cries most of the time). She now thinks she is the leading expert on baby sleep schedules.

12
Flewteahuman pacifier since 2012•

I have a friend whose baby did that too so it's legit possible. I may have wanted to strangle her except that she's one of those people that's too sweet to think bad thoughts about.

4
frangipanda•

My daughter slept through the night from about 8 weeks, so it is possible. She doesn't anymore of course :(

4
icanhascakeOne smartarse toddler, one baby pterodactyl •

Both my boys were sleeping 6 hours by 8 weeks, but you know what? It's absolutely NOTHING that I did. It was more about their feeding habits than anything. They liked to gorge themselves on ridiculous amounts of milk and then went into a food coma.

1
fzzbz•

Yeah my first did that. Second? Um..nine months?!

1
a3r1al•

Dude, I know I had a unicorn baby, so I don't talk about it. Makes me terrified that my second kid will be an awful sleeper. Some people with unicorn babies know they just got lucky.

10
GoingToFlipATable•

First rule of Good Sleeper Club. You don't talk about Good Sleeper Club.

7
throwawayscattydown the bottle•

Ditto. I know I just plain got lucky and don't talk about it, certainly don't brag and take credit for it, because that's mean, not true, and just asking for karma to bite me in the ass big time.

7
blabbypopper•

Same. I do pretty much everything wrong according to what I've read but my four month old sleeps like a champ at night. Pure luck here. Terrified to have another because how could we get lucky again??

6
Taisce•

Yes! Yes to both of these! I know damn well I got lucky so I'm terrified to ever offer explanations if I'm asked how my 6 month old is sleeping. My husband now thinks it's a sign we should have a brood. "See, babies are easy!" No they aren't, this is just blind, stupid luck!

4
Amfrnd•

I've got a 2 year old and a 4 month old. Both 'unicorn babies' according to everyone I know. Both slept through the night by two weeks old. Was I lucky? Oh fuck, fuck yes...but it didn't come without a price. They slept through the night. And that's it. No naps. Zero. Ever. I've actually had friends come right out and tell me they hated me because mine slept through the night all on their own so early. The other price that came with it? Sleep all night = eat alllllllll day to make up for it. I know how lucky I was with sleeping....but holy shit sometimes 6am-9pm without even a 5 minute nap made me feel like some bad ass karma was catching up to me and biting me in the ass while laughing

7
icanhascakeOne smartarse toddler, one baby pterodactyl •

I know what you mean. My kids aren't quite that bad but I've had days where my 7mo doesn't nap until 2pm. Up until 6mo with both kids they only took 45 min naps at a time. Then it's eating time again. The baby has milk 7-8 times a day and solids 4 times. It's been so hard keeping up that I don't have time to feed myself properly. I'd actually prefer a night waking and better day naps.

2
Xraygrrl•

PLEASE update us all of this when the next one arrives!

5
34FOP•

Haha check back for an "I told you so" post in about 6 months. Or, alternately, a "FML why does this chick have two kids that sleep and I have zero" rant.

4
stephyt3 & 1. Momma's all done. ❤•

They do? Because up until last month, my 18 month old woke for 1-2 feedings.

There's a term coined by a blog called POOPCUPs to refer to parents like this. It stands for Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool-age. Sometimes even if the kid is older, they revert into their POOPCUP stories.

5
nomnomchikhan•

Her time will come. Oh yes...

3
fortissim0Monkeys aged 3.5, 2, and 9mo. Is it wine o'clock yet? 🙈•

Karma's going to fuck her up so hard she'll shit bricks once the new baby arrives and doesn't miraculously sleep through the night - I'm calling it now.

3
Bsketbalgrl101•

I had a friend who had a unicorn baby. Also, that baby was a genius apparently. All I wanted to do was vomit in my mouth because I had a gassy and colic child who never slept threw the night. Well she had #2 and this child never slept...Ha-ha! Apparently, #1 didn't handle the transition very well either so she had that going on as well. Don't worry your friend will get what's coming.

3
racf599•

I had 3 kids who all slept through the night by 3 months old and never had any sleep regressions or difficulties transitioning to a regular bed. I never had the massive sleep deprivation most parents endure. I know how lucky I was, and I am forever grateful because I really hate not getting enough sleep.

3
missy070203Teenage daughter and an infant! What was I thinking?•

You don't hit the lottery like that twice. Fuck, I don't think you even hit it once. Everyone I know who has a these unicorn STTN babies, it's like a Satan switch happens around 2 and they go absolutely crazy as if to make up for all the easy STTN baby time.

I suppose when this second baby doesn't sleep through the night, it won't be because she is doing something wrong. It'll be because he's special and different and she is the victim of some rare no sleep shit? Right?

Edit: I'm an asshole today. Sorry.

3
34FOP•

Yeah this woman's toddler is a great sleeper but he is very difficult in other ways so I try to keep my jealousy in check. It's just the expectation that the next one will sleep just as well that really gets me feeling all bitchy!

3
gibblyWhat was I thinking•

Oh, I was her. I thought I had it all figured.

16 months after my second was born, here I am permanently sleep deprived because the turd refuses to sleep.

JUST YOU WAIT, FRIEND.

3
MommyNeedsATimeOut•

My baby must be broken because she still wakes up 1-2 times a night and she is actually a 2yo toddler :( no seriously, people like this make me laugh. Maybe she'll get luck again but probably not!

3
goldenwMother to Lil Golden the Grump•

She's fucked on this next one.

3
skiving_snacks•

Bhahahahaha!! I'm just here cackling about what her second will be. (Though I wouldn't wish it on anyone, mostly) a velcro baby that has to be held to sleep. Not like to fall asleep but to actually sleep...hahaha.

But seriously, she does realize she had a unicorn of a first sleeper right? Wouldn't it be the biggest fucking ridiculousness if her second is also an amazing sleeper?

2
beanbaconsoup•

aha haha hahahahahhaaha

2
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
34FOP•

If you seriously have a method that works so well without crying, you could make like a million dollars. I think people just think sleep training is cruel if babies are left to cry themselves to sleep for hours on end. You have a way to get babies to sleep without crying at all? Damn, woman, share it with the world!

1