It's Killing Me Inside

It kills me to know that is has been almost six years,
Six years since you cast me aside,
Eight months I was your dirty little secret,
And for two you wore my love with pride

It kills me to know that I never got over you really,
I thought I was happy with someone else,
But the feelings kept coming up,
I am sometimes hopeless of the fact you're gone.

It kills me to know you moved just down the road from me,
You're always just a stones throw away,
But I am sure you don't want me anymore,
I just wish I knew how to have made you stay.

It kills me to think other guys may mistreat you when I tried so hard for you to be my queen,
I was kind and considerate despite my depression,
And you were all I ever asked for.

It kills me to know you were my everything.
You were my first love,
You were my first heart break,
You are still my anxiety,

It kills me to know that things probably can't be the same,
But I am always hopeful you'd allow to come back,
Back to hold you in my arms to shelter you from the world
But I know you don't need me... and it kills me.

It kills me to think you still have this hold over me,
Like a noose around my neck never fully taught,
This torture that is love never seems to end,
I couldn't cut myself down if I wanted to.

It kills me to know I can't truly love anyone else back the way I did you,
Plenty of girls have said those words since then,
I have turned plenty of them away,
Am I broken?

It kills me to know we've grown so apart,
I just wanted a place within your heart,
But you decided you had other plans,
And with that we were never more.

https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4jny3d/selfportrait/d3876z8

https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4jcd8y/untold_ode_to_my_best_friend/d387s7f