Word Salad or how to spot a Cluster B/ Psychopath - A Primer for AS ensorcelling SK / HML

Article: 10 Warning Signs of Word Salad

When they’re feeling threatened or bored, psychopaths will often use what’s called “word salad” as an attempt to regain control over you. Basically, it’s a conversation from hell. They aren’t actually saying anything at all. They’re just talking at you. Before you can even respond to one outrageous statement, they’re already on to the next. You’ll know it in a second, because you’ll be left with your head spinning. Know the warning signs, and disengage before any damage can be done:

• Circular conversations

You’ll think you worked something out, only to begin discussing it again in two minutes. And it’s as if you never even said a word the first time around. He begins reciting all of the same bullshit, ignoring any legitimate arguments you may have provided moments ago. If something is going to be resolved, it will be on his terms. With psychopaths, the same issues will come up over and over again–why is he so friendly with his ex again? Why is he suddenly not paying any attention to you? Why does he sound so eager to get off the phone? And every time you bring up these issues, it’s as if you never even had this argument in the past. You get sucked back in, only to feel crazy & high-maintenance when he decides “I’m sick of always arguing about this.” It’s a merry-go-round!

• Irrelevant “facts”

You say, “I wish you wouldn’t give me the silent treatment for days” and he responds, “I have to because giraffes don’t wear mittens in the summer.” Yes, that’s an exaggeration, but the point is: his responses have absolutely no grounding in reality. They are bereft of any relevance to the conversation at hand. You make a legitimate point, and he tells you that he’s going skydiving tomorrow. It defies any logic or emotion of a healthy individual.

• Bringing up your past wrongdoings, while ignoring his own

If you point out something nasty he’s doing, like ignoring you or cheating on you, he’ll mention something totally unrelated from the past that you’ve done wrong. Did you used to drink too much? Well then, his cheating isn’t really all that bad compared to your drinking problem. Were you late to your first date two years ago? Well then, you can’t complain about him ignoring you for three days straight now! And God forbid you bring up any of his wrongdoings. Then, you are a bitter lunatic with a list of grievances. Aren’t double standards fun?

• Condescending & patronizing tone

The entire conversation will have this calm, “cool” demeanor. It’s almost as if he’s mocking you, gauging your reactions to see how much further he can push. When you finally react emotionally, that’s when he’ll tell you to “calm down”, raise his eyebrows, smirk, feign disappointment, etc. You know the drill. The whole point of word salad is to make you unhinged, and therefore give him the upper hand. Because remember, conversations are competitions—just like anything else with a psychopath.

• Accusing you of doing things that he is doing

I mentioned this in my previous article about psychopaths putting us on the defense. In heated arguments, psychopaths have no shame. They will begin labeling you with their own disgusting qualities. It goes beyond projection, because most people project unknowingly. Psychopaths know they are smearing you with their own flaws, and they are seeking a reaction. Because how can you not react to such blatant hypocrisy? As I wrote in the other article, don’t react. Just walk away.

• Multiple personas

Through the course of a word salad conversation, you’re likely to experience all 500 of his personalities. It’s sort of like good cop / bad cop / demented cop / stalker cop / scary cop / baby cop / etc. If you’re pulling away, sick of his abuse and lies, suddenly he will restore a glimpse of the idealize phase. A little torture to lure you back in with promises of marriage and children. If that doesn’t work, suddenly he’ll start insulting the things he once idealized. You’ll be left wondering who you’re even talking to, because his personas are imploding as he struggles to regain control. Victoria summed this up perfectly in another thread: “The devil himself was unleashed in a desperate fit of fury after being recognized: twisting, turning, writhing, spewing, flattering, sparkling, vomiting.”

• The eternal victim

We all know how this works. Somehow his cheating will lead into a conversation about his abusive past, a cheating ex, whatever. Who gives a crap. The point is, he treated you like garbage—and unlike him, you are not a manufactured victim, you’re a real one. You don’t use his abuse as an excuse to mistreat others, so why should you ever accept that from him? Get away from him. Even if his sympathy stories are true, who cares? All you need to know is that his behavior is unacceptable to YOU, and you deserve better. And by the way, he will also accuse you of victimizing yourself. See #4.

• You begin explaining basic human emotions

Okay, this is a huge one and needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Ready? If you find yourself explaining things like “empathy” and “feelings” and “being nice”, RUN. AWAY. Normal adults do not need to be taught the golden rule from kindergarten. I guarantee you are not the first person who has attempted to see the good in him, and you will not be the last. You think to yourself, “if he can just understand why I’m hurt, then he’ll stop doing it.” No, he won’t. He wouldn’t have done it in the first place if he was a decent human being. Any full-grown adult knows how to treat other people. And the worst part is, he pretended to be that person when you first met—sucking you in with this sweet, caring persona. The fact is, he KNOWS how to be kind & good, but he finds it boring. Don’t waste your time explaining the human conscience to a psychopath. You’d have better luck with a brick wall.

• Excuses

Here are some magical words to live by: “I don’t like excuses. If you ask me, it’s better to behave in a way that doesn’t require excusing in the first place.” – from my own story I hope you’ll remember this the next time someone has a list of excuses ready for their own crappy behavior. Don’t get me wrong, everyone messes up every now and then. The difference is, psychopaths deliver excuses more often than they actually follow through with promises. They condition us to be grateful for mediocre. As you enter relationships in the future, please remember it's not a “bonus” to meet a guy whose words are backed up by actions. It should be a standard.

• “What the hell just happened”

A word salad conversation is like no other. You will be left with a physical headache. You will spend hours, even days, obsessing over the argument and wondering what in the world just occurred. You’ll feel as if you exhausted all of your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing. You will have a million pre-planned arguments in your head, ready to respond to all the unaddressed BS you couldn’t keep up with during the actual conversation. You will feel the need to defend yourself. You’ll try to come up with a diplomatic solution that puts both of you at fault, and therefore gives you both the chance to apologize and make up. Stop right there. Take a step back and realize this is exactly what the psychopath wants: to control your every thought. So go do something to get him out of your mind. Exercise, cats, chores, movies, books, baking... Just forget about this idiotic conversation and let him eat his own damn word salad.

ref: Peace @ Psychopathfree