In the middle

Kind of a long one, but thanks in advance for any feedback!! Kind of a different structure than I'm used to working with but I'm interested in y'alls take on it.

I must write to you for I know not what else I can do. My words are like a foul odor picked up in the wind to your ears, a breeze that innocently stings your face in winter that makes you question your presence in mine. I sit here angry and calm with attitudes of multiplicity as I watch your persona, beautiful and unlocked. Like a personal chest of gold on display in a private domicile. Your words are sung ritualistically and hit keys that pinch my nerves like a root canal.

I drown you out to distract myself from a personal disparity I have never been able to escape, and while I climb the ladder in confidence, the rungs continue to break. I struggle to exist in my own flesh like a fish stuck in littered plastic and cannot shake the tendencies that have doomed my past. I am a pilot destined to crash, at cruising altitude and oblivious to the failed engine on his wing; soon the smoke will come. Soon the masks will drop and my shirt will become too tight; I will relax my tie. Slow discomposure and pooling in my own sweat. Staring in the eye of my defeat like a family dog crazed with disease, oh Atticus. 

Cut the limb to save the body but I have but a leg left. Never to euthanize early because life is too short anyway, but here I sit, unable to walk, my light is lit in aisle 31; more water please. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4lchy3/bus_dreams/ https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4l3rke/maybes_and_ifs/