Not sure if I [46F] blew it or if my boyfriend [56M] blew it...need advice.

My bf and I have both been under huge amounts of stress lately (unrelated to each other) and I know that it is impairing our cognitive function as we're both being forgetful and more. This last week, I became sick. I am on Depakote for migraines and this last week, because I was so sick and scatterbrained, I kept forgetting whether or not I took my medicine and know that I definitely did not take it for several consecutive nights in a row as I kept falling asleep unexpectedly.

He and I went out on Thursday night and I met him at his place. On my way there, I knew something was really wrong with me as I felt like I was drunk and high at the same time even though I was neither. I think I almost got into two accidents and definitely hit a curb. I hadn't eaten much that day and had been sleeping very poorly so I wrote it off as my needing food and rest and said nothing to him about it as I just wanted to go out and have a nice time. However, because I was being so sluggish and quiet, I was not being responsive to the things that he said and eventually, he grew pretty upset with me and questioned whether I even cared about him. I tried explaining that I was feeling spacey and hadn't eaten all day but he was interpreting my behavior as not caring about him. I told him that I didn't think I was well, that I really was spacey and that I wanted to go home. We got in his car and he started driving.

At this point, I started getting really weird. To give an idea, in the car, I was curled up in a fetal position and wanted to get out of the car so badly that I was contemplating getting out of the vehicle on a highway. While it was moving. I was having all sorts of crazy impulses that I was not acting on but they were in there. He bought me a burger, which I could only nibble on as I was shuddering and felt nauseous, and when we got to his house, my behavior was very strange and erratic. I was impulsive and kept going on these weird verbal tangents. I said one thing and did one thing that really upset him and he told me to leave. I even reacted weirdly to that as I was laughing and challenging him on it. I was not drunk nor was I on recreational drugs. He told me to go to sleep and even then, I was really agitated and restless, unable to sleep. I got up and put on one of his shirts. Then I got up again a few minutes later, putting on my clothes, telling him something unrelated to the night's conversation as a reason why I was leaving him and left.

I came back home, took my depakote, and started coughing up green and bloody mucus. I went to sleep and woke up the next morning, realizing that I had totally messed up. I called him to apologize for my behavior as it was really strange and erratic and he said that he didn't know if he could forgive me for what I said and did and to give him the weekend to think about it. He said that my behavior was really very strange. I agreed and said that I wasn't sure if it was due to a lack of eating, sleep, and being really sick or what.

He said that when people are sick or drunk, sometimes their true self comes out. The thing is, I know that wasn't me and I told him that. He and I have been going out for 6 months and we have argued a few times. Some of which were while intoxicated and I never once behaved like that. Every time, I was the same way--quiet, crying and passive. The other night, I was aggressive, my mood was swinging all over the place. I was erratic and talking wildly at times. Just super weird and I have never once displayed any of that in those prior arguments.

Whether he forgives me or not, the question of what happened to me really bothered me as the only time that I have ever in my life felt that way was when I was in a nightclub and someone slipped--unbeknownst to me--MDMA into my drink and it reacted poorly with a medication that I was on. After a day of rest and taking my depakote reliably, I realized that it couldn't have simply been a lack of food, sleep and being sick based on that. I absolutely felt high, drunk and really messed up that night.

The only thing that i could think of was the depakote as you're not supposed to stop it abruptly as it does alter the neurotransmitters to the brain and I realized that I went from my normal dose to 0 to 1 pills for the entire week until Thursday night. That is pretty damn abrupt so I looked at the medicine page and found all of my symptoms as being flagged as "call a healthcare provider right away if you have any these symptoms". Depression, anxiety, agitation/restlessness, panic attacks, insomnia, irritability, aggression/angry, acting on dangerous impulses (thank god I did not act but the impulses were there), extreme increase in activity and talking (mania--yep), other unusual changes in behavior or mood. I went through all of that on Thursday night.

I gave the link to a friend of mine who I had talked to him about my behavior that night (he's known me for 25 years and knew that wasn't me either). Based on what I had told him the next morning, he identified the same section of the page as being what I went through. I sent the page to my boyfriend and left a message, apologizing profusely yet again, and telling him that I believe I found out why I was acting so strangely. That was last night and I've not heard from him in response. We are supposed to talk tomorrow.

Here's my dilemma. I know that wasn't me and am 99.9% sure that I am correct in what went wrong. I know in my heart that I'm not making excuses for my behavior. I apologized for everything that I said and did despite my brain frying out completely. If you were in the same position as my bf, would you forgive me or would you see my behavior as being indicative of "my true self" when every other time we've argued, I've been quiet, passive and crying instead of THAT?

The other thing that concerns me is that, despite my repeatedly telling him that I didn't feel well and that I felt spacey and his own acknowledgment that my behavior was very strange and erratic, he didn't think to take me to get checked out. I don't know if that's fair because, even though I've never once acted that way over the 6 months we've been together, we still have only been going out for 6 months or if I'm expecting too much of him as he may have been overwhelmed and confused at the time. He did, however, know that I was on a brain medication.

I love the guy but I've already come to the conclusion that, if he forgives me, wants to be together but doesn't accept that this was very likely the cause, I cannot afford to be with him. If he is going to take very strange behavior as a reflection of whether I care about him or not instead of doing what he should now that he knows that these are bad signs, then it's too dangerous to be with him. :(

TLDR: Probably had a really bad reaction to accidentally abruptly stopping a brain med due to illness and behaved really crazy on a date with bf of 6 months. Would you forgive me if I proved that what happened most likely had to do with the medicine? Should I be upset that he didn't take me to an ER when he knew I was acting crazy strange and was reporting at the time that I felt spacey and unwell?