Life Sucks

Life sucks. I've spent my whole life single even though I try. Usually it's rejection but recently it's been a girl who said yes but has cancelled all of our plans. The common denominator in all of this is me. I'm undesirable. I'm worthless in the eyes of other people. It doesn't take a genius to figure this out after it's happened numerous times. The only use I am is as a tool for my company to get work done. That's not what makes me happy. To quote Blue October, "I want to belong to someone, but maybe life's not for everyone". Well that certainly describes how I feel right now. I actually caught myself looking up quick and painless ways to end it all. This is the first time I've been in such a dark place that I've done that and now that I'm in, I don't see a way out. At least there's this post to host what could be a final monologue. Also don't post any of that "hope" nonsense please. Hope is what got me here in the first place.