I wish I didn't exist

I don't want to kill myself. I don't. I just wish I had another option. While I'm alive and conscious all I think about is how miserable and alone I am. I guess I'd kill myself if I knew it wouldn't negatively affect other people, so o I guess I'm trapped. I don't know why I'm posting this I just don't want to talk to anyone irl because as soon as I verbalise how I feel it becomes much more real. I'm sorry, I don't expect anything at all, I just had to tell someone.