The guilt is killing me
So this whole week, a lot of my demons from my past have been haunting me more than ever. I used to catfish guys I kinda knew just to get nudes, then would stop talking to them. I can't even put into words how fucking disgusted I am with myself that I thought I could do this and not face any repercussions. Though I haven't gotten into any trouble with them finding out who I was or anything, I know live with the horrible guilt and shame that I manipulated and lied to REAL people just to see them naked. This shit is so abusive and fucking poisoning and can't believe that I (or any other person who does this) is actually capable of performing these horrific acts. I haven't done this since last year, and I have been in a relationship since this year. I think this relationship is what opened my eyes to my past and seeing how shitty the things I have done are. I now know the feeling of real love and human intimacy that makes me so ashamed of being a dirty little liar. It's not fair for my partner to be dating someone who has done such shitty things like this in the past. I want to come clean and have scheduled an appointment to see a therapist and gonna tell my partner everything, but I don't think I can tell the victims of my actions because it will probably land me in some real hot water, even though ethically I know that's what I should do. I am a coward, I know, and I also am a huge liar. Nothing would make me happier than to tell everyone the truth but I just can't imagine a good outcome. Any advice?
Posted May 29, 2016, 7:48 PM UTC