Raised by abusive/manipulative/harassive parents

Hi there,

I've been reading posts in this thread since 14:00~ and i really wanted to share my story.

When i was a little kid my parents would physically abuse me if i did something they didnt view 'right'. As time went by i got uses to the physical abuse and torture they did to me. Hitting me with fists/equipment/anything they could get their hands on, threatening my life/throwing me off of stairs or breacking my arms/legs. Since i got 16 i couldnt handle the physical and mental abuse and attempted suicide three times in the timespan of 3 months. I never had anyone who really 'loved' me, neither have i ever felt loved by someone. The past 8 months i grew sick of how they treated me and yesterday night they locked me out of the house. They dont want me to be with friends/be social and just stay in my room and 'be normal'. They have taken away my playstation, my computer which i all bought myself and gave it to the mosque as a fund. Note my parents are muslim. Yesterday night i wanted to enter the house by ringing the bell after going to an birthday party which i got invites for by a girl that im talking to for two weeks. My mother opened the door and started screaming to me "your such an stupid child" "i cant wait until you're 18 so i can kick you out" "nobody needs you here. She actually hit me with her fist twice in my face and tried to choke me (she grabbed my neck really tight). After all the abuse i went through i grew cold towards my parents. I walked into the house and my dad was just sitting there saying unworldly things to me. My parents tell all my siblings (1 older brother and 2 younger ones) to not talk to me because im an disgrace for not following the religion (praying etc). I feel like nobody actually needs me and the world is better off without me. They always try to make it look as they are the victim and im the one causing all the problema. I cant remember the last time anyone asked me; hey how are you doing? Or just anything friendly in particular. Im one of the guys that look like they're doing fine but are actually dying (not literally). I feel really horrible of myself and im tyling this while crying. My parents want to do family things such as going out to eat dinner somewhere always without me. I feel so bad about myself that i cant actually say that im going home.

The last half year everytime my dad or mother comes into the house they always harrass me or toss stuff towards me. Im getting really sick of how im being treated. I dont think i can keep myself together next time im gettin physically abused. I have pulled a knife twice on my dad when he said that he would kill me and have stayed away for two days until the cops searched for me.

Im begging you redditors, how in the world should i cope with this situation and what would be the best for me to do?

The only thing thats on my mind is pure hatred, frustration, rage and revenge. I really want payback for everything they did to me. Why cant i just have parents who are proud of who i am and love me?