NC but need to let Nmom know about our baby.

Currently NC with Nmom since summer 2014. This is the second time I've gone NC, first time was a stretch of about 5 years. This past week, I recently gave birth to our first son. My sister just graduated and will be moving in for a year before going to grad school. We are grateful and excited for the extra support she will provide to our growing family. Sis is LC with mom, they talk a few times a month. Sis and I have a great relationship and have been successful in respecting each other's choices about our relationships with mom. I asked my sis to not share with mom that I was pregnant and she supportive, understanding and complied with my request.

I need to communicate to Nmom that we had a child because I don't want to continue asking that my sister withhold this info. My sister has recently let me know that it's not something she's comfortable with doing much longer. Her main concern is that it may get back to our mom via some extended family that might have seen me post on social media. I agree with her concern, I don't want my sister in that awkward situation. I've been meaning to address this but pregnancy was stressful and emotional enough on its own and I chose to not deal with it.

I've been off and on meds and have been seeing a therapist for years to help me sort through the issues I have with mom in addition to other issues of abuse that I sustained growing up. I've made incredible progress and am now grateful to have a life where I am happy and surrounded by positive, healthy people. Although the guilt and grief can be crushing at times, I firmly continue to believe that severing the toxic relationship I had with Nmom has been a big part of why I am happier and more stable than I've ever been. I am hoping to get to a place where I can gradually move toward LC with mom but I haven't been ready to do that and may not for a while since right now I need to focus on my new son.

I plan to email my mom soon, here is an outline of what I want to say:

• We had a child and wanted you to hear it from us.
• I am not ready to reestablish contact; please do not try to contact me.
• Please do not try to get information about me or my son from my sister.

My questions are:

• Is this a bad idea, should I hold firm to the NO CONTACT policy I've worked hard to maintain?
• Do I avoid any sort of nice stuff like "I hope you are doing well" and "I love you, take care." These are true, I haven't stopped caring about her, but I don't know how brief/formal I need to be.
• Do I tell her that I am thinking about eventually reestablishing contact with her at some point but that I can't give her timeline or any guarantees?
• Anything else I should consider when emailing her?

I have her email and phone # blocked and she lives in a different state and while I can't be 100% sure, this should be a one way communication from me to her. My sister has proven to be mature and strong about this up situation up to this point and I trust she will continue to be moving forward. She has said she will support my decisions about my relationship with mom and that all she wants is for me to be happy and to not be stressed. I can't imagine my mom will handle this well, as she rarely handles anything well but I know I'm not responsible for her feelings or her behaviors, she is a grown adult.

I do feel that I will personally get a bit of relief after I email her, it's been sad and strange not having a mom (a mom in general, not her) through all of this and even though it was for good reason and I am NC, it was stressful keeping it from her. But really like I said, the primary reason I need to do this is to respect my sister's wishes. Any thoughts you might have to share would be welcomed, thank you!