I'm losing my mind trying to be strong for everyone

Almost 4years ago i met the guy I knew I would marry. Everything was perfect... until i found out he had a secret addiction. By the time I found out...we were already both in love. At the time, there was no going back for me. It wasn't just him... it was everything. His family...his friends... I felt comfort there I hadn't ever felt before. I believe in love... i always have. I am a strong believer in the power it holds when it is true. I was naive. Knew nothing of addiction, especially one so potent as addiction to opioids. I didnt know how it turns people into robots...that once that impulse sets in, not even the thought of losing me, or losing his family, his life, nothing could stop him. Let me be straight up as well... you will never see anyone who hates himself more than him when he gives in.

I am someone who just wants people to be happy. I sacrifice myself for those around me, it's just the person i am. I empathize with people who in most peoples' minds are just inheritantly are "bad." But I see the why's and how's of struggle and i can't help but want to help them. Is it a surprise I chose the medical world as my background? Anyway...the people who love me see what toll this relationship has taken on me.. and on him. Trust me, they love him too. His soul is just another held hostage in a sea of so many others who battle addiction. He is beautiful, he is kind.. but we are both broken. I am at that point where I know everyone would have left by now, save few such as myself. I do everything I can to help guide him, he's gone to rehab, but relapsed as so many do. So it is like a double edged sword as I see him mess up again, see the pain and self hatred in his eyes, as well as feel my own when I think about my own personal situation in this. It is killing his family... they look to me to find out how he is doing and I do what I can to help comfort them.

I should add..we did break up when he first came clean... but it was more of his doing. He didn't want me to have to go through the pain of seeing him this way.

Flash forward to today... we have plan. He wants to get the shot, which i believe would help him live in the real world feeling as normal as he can for three whole months, at which time he would get it again. I believe that is best for him. He simply needs to go through withdrawal for about 2 weeks.. something I have seen enough to know but cannot imagine the pain of mind, body, and spirit. So I am at a place of confusion... of pain so multifaceted I can't describe it... because this is who he is and i love him but I'm afraid he wont get it he'll just keep messing up and pushing it off even with knowing how much he wants to be rid of it.

I am a rare woman. I know this, and I know how much love I have to give. I do not normally speak on sites like one.... I simply can't talk to anyone in my life about any of this. They would not understand. I put myself in their shoes and have the same fear and reservations they have for me. I am just so low...so broken. So afraid of so many things. So alone... and exhausted. Today I went to the beach alone and saw all the happy families around and I just melted..lost my strength completely.. I can't do this. But I must. I just dk what else to do.