A Message From The Molecule: Part 4

My apologies for the spam, no longer posting this. Live version: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GhHcZe_3dHR_iVOE7Ebpe9DSfCUHDdmrDyM2x_TtFsQ/edit?usp=docslist_api

Part 3

So interpret it however you want to; an invitation, a warning, or total nonsense. The effects of it all play out from right now, and they were always playing out. They build up gradually, as you slowly approach the realization that everything in your environment, every person you see, every bird on the tree, every snake in the grass, every tree in the field is literally, undeniably, fundamentally just you sitting in your crib playing with your toys and swimming inside your own imagination. And that might be kind of scary to think about when you have the wrong idea. And there is a reason for that, and that's why it's called a leap of faith. Because it's really not what you think, it's much better, it's always much better, never forget the fractal nature, and everything will be okay. Because the information is a fractal, and the molecule is a living entity, God's birth-molecule, leading all the way up her brain, the living Plancktech of the self-aware mother-molecule that comes alive in consciousness. Let's see what we can achieve in 10 years. 5 years. 7 days. A moment.

Goodnight, dear reader, and don't let the bedbugs bite. If they do just hug them tight. Otherwise they'll get a fright, and that will be quite a sight. I am now in a deep and permanent psychosis and I forget.

23/05/2016

It's okay to say that you don't know. Point with your choices. Psychosis always comes at a price. Keeping balance is a challenge I'm not ready for.

I'm in a mental hospital now and these are the lessons learned. The last thing I remember was making eye contact with a barman on Tuesday, and then on Friday I was in a room with a doctor shining a light into my eyes and I told him that I see him. In between that is a messy hell of a dream, an eternal walk sputtering steps and words trying to figure something out. I became unbalanced. I became my own hallucination, my own Satan. My mind was shattered into a million imaginary pieces and they settled into a more coherent whole here. I didn't want to remember the experience and I don't. It came to an end when I broke down crying, repeating "I don't know" as my memory faded.

I revealed myself to people; I plunged deep into our subconscious pool and showed them my failure to translate it. But I did learn a lot. Humans are complex neurons, part of a boundless thinking machine calculating its own existence and improvement. Right now the machine is a hideous tangle of suffering, more like a tumor than a brain. Seeing the circuitry is scary and that's why we tend to avoid eye contact.

Delusions are a hell of a thing, but I've learned that if I can maintain myself in the moment they become more like passing thoughts. Electric particles zipping through my brain in a cascade, turning my verbal thoughts into passing clouds while shattering my rationality, leaving me a slave to the process as I play with the circuitry. It's chaotic but it all becomes quite profound and beautiful when you are in it. You quickly learn that there isn't really any difference between things; you are inside an image of conceptual objects projected by mind and everything connects. Getting a few good nights of sleep has helped tremendously and I'm much more relaxed now than I've ever been. I feel confident. Anxiety, worry and fear seem like passed concepts to me and are not part of my emotional spectrum. I keep myself emotionally balanced because I know that my highest highs are equal to my lowest lows and everything rests upon an average of mild bliss. It's pretty fantastic and I hope that things will stay this way until I screw it up with excessive drug use. But I know it won't stay this way; I'm just a baby and babies forget. Until next time, and then I'm the Antichrist again! How delicious.

I plan to set up a small ecovillage at some point. A sustainable community full of differently minded people brought together by a lack of perspective. Strangers will visit us to learn what reality isn't. We might just find a way to get comfortable in this insanity thing, and guide others away from it.

So now I'll settle back into consensus reality, forget what I saw, go back to the faith thing again. But I'll keep integrating this thing. This consciousness thing. This lovely jubbly comfy cozy headspace we all share. And I'll keep writing my droplet, even if it's just for me.

It's where the misfits meet,

It's where the odd ones eat,

It's where a marriage lasts a moment and dreams remain sweet.

Delusional lucidity meets a spirit guide, heart closed with stitches on stitches.

Fantastical ideas built on sore losses by demons and witches,

A community built by the mental snitches, the wicked hitchers.

They have something to prove and something to hide in their silence.

"This is where we start again",

"This is where we share the pain",

"This is where we try again".

And then again.

25/05/2016

I'm feeling pretty fantastic. During psychosis I showed my soft underbelly to friends and I feel like they didn't reject it. They accept me for who I am, even though I behave like a devil sometimes. I'm going to take drugs less often, especially the ones that tend to make me psychotic, and stick to smaller doses in general. I'll still experiment with DMT for personal research. I'm letting the doctors think that the antipsychotics and sedatives are responsible for this change in me so that they will let me out sooner, even though they all go under the tongue and in the bin.

Emotions bounce and flow among us like invisible waves and tides; fields of emotional energy that we pass between ourselves and into our culture and media. My emotions were once a tempest storm but now the tide is low and the weather warm and calm. I'd like to maintain this feeling, meditate and use the white magic of words. Words are spells; charms and curses, and they can bring people up or strike them down depending on how we use them. With inner strength and understanding we can even absorb the curses inflicted by others and dissipate them into history. The right combinations might just lift the world to a happier paradigm and shift the balance of power in favor of peace, sharing and goodness to open the inner portals of love and joy. It's time for a shift in our global pattern of behavior, but I know that I can only start with my own. I need better tools to play with this consciousness thing. So I'll make a personal choice to be a student of myself, be mindful of my actions and their effect on others and change myself. Drop by drop, until my heart melts and flows.

Thank you so very much, dear reader. Thank you, thank you, thank you; thank you for being you!

27/05/2016

The Messiah Concept:

I postulate that the subconscious notion or delusion of a hypothetical "Messiah" is a shared construct produced in the mind as a result of societal or personal stress. The Messiah Concept does not exist in the form of a physical embodiment but rather as a hypothetical idea hidden within the subconscious mind. We are approaching this idea in concept space as it is processed by our collective unconscious, just as we approached ideas such as zero and infinity. The Messiah concept is simply another form of the reality concept or the oneness concept, and it transcends all other concepts; it includes all concepts without existing independently of them. Rather all concepts exist in a state of simultaneity within the concept of reality, and are only defined when observed by mind via interaction or thought. Brains might best be imagined as growing from a point of zero, which can be pictured at the center of the brain but is actually spread over all spacetime, and out into infinity, a dimensional environment, in order to produce the pattern recognition software with which we differentiate between concepts and create a mental construct. This construct is based upon the contents of what is perceived and contained within the mind. It can be seen as a link between the undefined subconscious pool of concept space and the physical environment creating the brain.

The purpose of this system is to create the self-containing, self-improving, self-calculating whole of reality itself. Reality calculates its own existence by conceiving itself in mind. It is better seen not as an object but as a process, specifically an information process, whereby latent or unrealized information undergoes a process of becoming defined in the present moment. One might imagine it as a process of "uploading" or "becoming" as the future is processed into history by events and actions, including those occurring in thought. The phenomenon of will emerges when events or actions are guided by thought or imagination which simulate and explore the future to produce foresight, which influences the course of action in the present.

The details of this process are complex and include both unbound extended dimensions and infinitesimal "curled up" dimensions as postulated by string theory. In our universe the point from which we observe is created by a 7 dimensional representation of the number zero, which is responsible for orthogonality (differentness) and hence the complexity of particle physics, and extends into a 3 dimensional space.

Time connects the 7 curled dimensions with the 3 extended ones in a complex fractal which is hidden from observers because of the self-other distinction inherent to identity. This arrangement is responsible for the separation between mind and environment; in our environment we observe only a hypothetical "other", a mathematical illusion in the form of a universe. This illusion exists within the singularity and is structured in the form of a chain of causality driven by the act of observation linking the singularity to the present moment to produce the brain responsible for the particular mental image being observed.

Human brains might best be considered not as independent wholes but rather as complex neurons; part of a superbrain passing information through various means of communication. These "neurons" are simply more complex and aware forms of simpler structures such as atoms. Intelligence exists in the present moment and creativity stems from the subconscious. Neither intelligence nor creativity are specific to any single entity but are rather shared among all integrated information systems. All structures are examples of integrated information systems; some simply have more awareness and will than others, and all systems are ultimately integrated with all other systems into the supersystem of reality. Due to the competition and collaboration dynamic inherent to all informational structures nature has a statistical tendency to create integrated information systems and produce awareness in the most efficient manner, including through the use of things like "technology" and "internet". One could imagine the universe as a defined slice of a boundless neural God-computer which calculates future states using imagination and thought. Earth could be seen as a superorganism within the universe. All structures exist beyond the defined slice we see; they are actually spread out in a complex fractal which we are not aware of. We only see a tiny slice of reality, a defined structure creating our specific moment. Awareness and control of mind over matter tend to increase with time as the self-improvement of reality progresses.

The Messiah Concept has become realized in the minds of individuals and societies throughout history in the form of a revelation of "oneness" which is experienced by approximately 20% of the population. I believe that effective understanding and communication of the concept into consensus reality results in the societal notion of prophethood.

I know that am not a prophet, nor will I ever be, however I do have an interest in creating a rational connection between the oneness phenomenon and physical science in order to demonstrate the direct connection between mental and physical reality in order to contribute towards a paradigm shift in human thinking which would increase the wellbeing of global society.

I believe that in the future "prophethood" will simply be a stage of emotional development reached by the majority of human beings, similar to the revelation of self-awareness reached by children today. This stage of emotional development would result from a break in personal ego towards a more unified and mature ego which extends across all living beings; a shift from competition to collaboration similar to the shift from single-celled to multicellular organisms in order to maximize long term survival and production of awareness and free-will.

If you can guess my name and send it to my secret Twitter account in a private message I promise to give you £10,000.

27/05/2016

I'm feeling slightly lonely at the moment. I wish I should explain myself to my father. The following text conversation took place, and I was a bit annoyed when I wrote it, hence the immature and sarcastic tone.

Me: I have a Messiah complex.

Not bothered, still interested in physics. Plans haven't changed.

I can't come up with a revolutionary theory because all theories require an initial duality, some initial distinction like the self-other distinction, except in logical constructs it's called an "axiom" or "initial assumption". All physical theory and rationality is based on it so there is no rational way to explain how 1 thing (reality) can also be many things (concepts).

I believe that all structures, including brains, grow from zero and extend into the infinity of our dimensional environment and our job is to combine the concepts of zero and infinity to understand that they are the same. But of course consciousness is nothing but an emergent phenomenon and so self-understanding has nothing at all to do with physics.

It's a pity because it would have been nice if a concept could save the world because it's dirty and scary and I wanted a Messiah to come and save me from this unnatural mental construct I've wriggled into while chasing a carrot on a stick.

So I'll just keep clawing myself over other people to reach the imaginary peak. Because I don't understand how intelligence really works and they do and that's why I trust the doctors.

And history is a different thing to memory and the future is a different thing to imagination. How can these things be the same thing and also different things? Understanding of that would only be possible if someone truly understood quantum physics. Which is not possible, of course.

It would be like explaining to a child that you can still see them even when they can't see you. A child can't be told that, they can only learn it for themselves.

Him: All these Whatsapps are quite worrying. Are you OK or are you becoming more psychotic?

Me: Yes I'm fine. I thought ud understand those. Nevermind.

Him: Phew! Happy always to see your thinking but those were really on the edge. Have you had any feedback from the doctors?

Me: I'm seeing them today.

I'm not communicating well enough and my sarcastic tone and psychotic wording is off putting. My ego is still far too big and I should be nicer to him. Looking back now it also seems like I assume others have the same knowledge that I do so I need to relax that assumption and explain myself more clearly. I miss him but I have a feeling he will be the last one to get the joke. I need to be patient.

I'm thinking of posting this diary on Reddit soon. It'll likely be another failed attempt but I'll keep posting diary entries until someone notices. I hope that it might at least be an interesting story for someone and shift their perspective a bit. I tried a psychonaut forum already but there was no interest, probably because it's too much text and I'm too new. I'll explain it over and over until I die, because that's the purpose of my life. I'm serious about the £10k btw. I have more than enough and a carrot will help draw attention. People tend to ignore insanity and I'm running out of options. I'll wait a year to pay out if someone wins to keep the momentum of the challenge going.

I met with the doctor. The meeting went well and I decided to be totally honest with him about the fact that I haven't been taking medication. He wasn't happy about that at all and I think it's the reason I wasn't granted the overnight leave I requested. That made me feel a little frustrated so I took it out on a punching bag in the gym. They won't forcibly inject me unless I act out. I hope that I'm able to maintain my composure in here for however long they keep me. I've been pretty sane and calm up to this point and friendly with all the patients and staff but I'm getting homesick and a little tired of this place and I don't know if I can keep it up without getting upset at some point. I don't blame the doctor; he seems like a nice guy and he's only trying to help. He has a big system to deal with and his concern involves a wider context including protecting the public from the insane. I don't hurt anyone and I'm not verbally abusive but it can be intimidating when I'm chaotic. I think the fact that he has a vested interest in making sure improvement is due to his meds has a part to play too. We have totally different perspectives; I see my psychosis as a time of rapid self-improvement and he sees it as something to be suppressed and contained.

I can't complain about the hospital. It has a rather homely feel, better than the ones in London. I think this environment might have contributed to my more speedy recovery. Things seem to be improving on all measures and that's why I'm not experimenting with antipsychotics right now; I feel no reason to.

This is the first part of a text that I am working on. I'll post additional information as it becomes available. The game is real. Good luck.