A drag competition in a church of sune, pasta, and a red dragon

Brief Backstory: Steve'e knows very little about his patron except there are more like him and some people are out to kill us all. Last session someone told Steve'e that his part was done and Steve'e's part would come next, then committed suicide. Assuming he was escaping capture and torture, Steve'e didn't try to prevent this, but took the body to the church of Sune (basically lust, from what I can tell), a church we had dealt with before. They agreed to give him a respectful burial, and told us that the next day there would be a male-to-female cross dressing competition, which Steve'e agreed to enter. The following is the summary email that the DM sent to the player of Sin Sin. I found it amusing enough to fix the minor typos, remove all real names, and post here. My deity is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that's why there's so many pasta references.

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Our cast: Hodor: A DMPC that sometimes shows up when we're low on party members, but he rarely does much except heal. Kethian: A female wizard currently wearing a ring that changes her to male in order to hide from pursuers Porsha: A halfling rogue who likes to pretend like she's a wizard. Sin Sin: A tiefling bard who was absent for this session Steve'e: A Warlock/Fighter/Pastamancer (also, me) Udonnan: A fighter whose gender has never been established, often referred to with alternating pronouns.

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Mechanical Details: 5e, I'm level 12, others are within 1 level of there.

Here's a recap, for <absent player>'s sake.

Kethian went and got the dragon scales tanned at the local tanners. Steve'e gave him the dragon foreskin underwear to include in that.

The next day, everyone went to the funeral pyre of the dead half-minotaur. There was a strong smell of roast beef in the air. Weird spectral tentacles of spaghetti rose into the air, and the crowd wondered what it meant.

All except one man, dressed in drag, who looked like he didn't care.

Then the party (except for Hodor) went into the temple of Sune for the cross-dressing contest, which Steve'e and Kethian entered.

Steve'e and Kethian both ranked highly in the appearance category. "I proud and powerful elderly woman.", said Steve'e.

Then came the talent section of the show.

Steve'e told them to fetch him writing in any language and he could read it, and he did! The crowd was impressed.

Kethian cast polymorph, and turned Steve'e into an owl! Owl Steve'e took a nap, because it was day time.

Still, the crowd was very excited.

The M.C went on to the next person, and someone conjured flowers, and someone did a dance, someone sang a song, and finally one person, a very large and ugly man who made an even uglier woman, showed off his special talent. He began to enlarge, getting bigger and bigger, and redder and scalier, until there was a young red dragon in the temple!

The red dragon took in a deep breath, and breathed fire upon Steve'e and Kethian, instantly slaying several bystanders. "Literally a flaming drag queen!" remarked someone who shall remain ambiguous. Kethian dropped to 0 hit points, and Steve'e's dress was ruined! Steve'e cast hold monster on the dragon! He failed! He action surged! He cast hold monster on the dragon again! It worked!

Several in the crowd dropped their illusions, and in the pews, Porsha and Udonnan were surrounded by 4 human cultist, and 4 red half-dragons.

Udonnan killed three in one shot with her lightning javelin, then another with his bow, then they action surged to gravely injure a half-dragon.

Porsha drank a potion that allowed her to cast the 9th level spell Weird. The half dragons clutched their heads and screamed! "No Tiamat! We're sorry! We're sorry we displeased you!" More than one dropped dead from that spell, falling to the ground with blood coming from their ears.

"This is how all Canadians die, they apologize to death."

But not before 3 of the half-red dragons all used their breath weapon on Steve'e at once! Steve'e dropped to 0. The dragon could move!

The others struggled against the men and dragon and dragon-men.

With Hodor missing and the Porsha and Udonnan busy fighting for their lives, Kethian, with single failed death save, rolled a 1. A vain burst in her neck, covering Porsha (who was about to administer a potion) with blood. He voided his bowels, and then we knew Kethian was dead. (Steve'e began choking on the poop, and failed a death save of his own.)

Porsha pulled out a scroll of Revivify, and cast it! Kethian's neck wound healed! The poop dislodged from Steve'e's throat as Kethian unvoided his bowels! Kethian stood up with one hit point!

Meanwhile, Udonnan filled the dragon's pee hole with arrows. The dragon approached, and they fought togther in single combat.

Steve'e cast Slurp Hole from the staff of spaghetti, blinding the dragon. The dragon exited the black hole, and circled around, got blasted into the door by Steve'e, struck by lightning by Kethian, then breathed his terrible fire on Steve'e and Kethian again, dropping them both.

Udonnan unleashed one final, desperate volley of arrows at the weakened dragon, and hit something vital, and the dragon collapsed to the ground!

After stabilizing Steve'e and Kethian, Udonnan and Porsha noticed the dragon twitching, and slew the dying dragon. Porsha delivered the final shot with her rapier...and used it to reincarnate the dragon!

A naked, human woman stood where once a red dragon laid dying.

The woman sucked in breath, and breathe on Porsha. Porsha's hair blew in the wind, but nothing more.

Udonnan unleashed the ring of dysentery. The woman unleashed a storm of feces. Shit covered the gore, which covered the sex stains, which covered the mural, of the goddess of love, Sune, which covered the floor. Porsha tied up the woman.

"I cursed you and took all your dragon power. Your treasure now belongs to me! ... Now tell me where it is."

Then the door to the temple flew open, and in came a band of gypsies.