I see what you mean. I meant to use the imagery to put the city at a distance from the speaker, to communicate the feeling of otherness and impersonality urban living can produce, but obviously if that comes at the cost of believability, its not a worthy trade off. I thought perhaps the colder, less intimate language of the first half would be a challenge for everything after the turn to thaw, but I think you may be right that the language doesn't evoke anything genuine. Thanks for the feedback. The book-cover analogy is a great one - maybe you should do some poetry or something.

Feels like a bit of free form writing squeezed into a sonnet-like form. As long as it doesn't take away from the goal of the writing, a few specific details wouldn't hurt. What brand of wrapper, what street names, what train, for instance. Might be intentional, but it reads like it could have been written based off a book cover, not by someone who had walked the streets. I think some more grounding details would enhance the environment, and really put the reader in the scene. It seems like good exercise though, I enjoyed reading it! 

FWIW I think ambiguity makes the poem stronger: there's no reason the speaker shouldn't, simultaneously, want humanity and danger, and there's plenty of imagery in the poem itself that can be read to support both of these ideas.

I was hoping for sort of the opposite effect, that someone sees these selfless folks as hope against the stifling dispassion of the city. I felt that in the middle of the night, on these dark streets, the small burst of humanity found in an ambulance might make the lost speaker feel more at home. 

I want to make certain I'm understanding the closing couplet: is the idea of potential danger and activity part of the city's allure, the reason you're warming to stay there another day?  Or am I missing the point at the end?

Hey, maybe I'm wrong, but I didn't come up with the rules for what makes a sonnet a sonnet. Most sonnets, even newer ones, are mostly in iambic pentameter or have 5 stressed syllables per line. As for the rhyme, it doesn't follow the Italian rules, the Shakespearian ones, or any ones that I know of. There may be another way to do it that I'm unaware of, but I don't think so.    
  
The poem can be good as it is, yes, but it isn't a sonnet. I said it's a fine work, but it just doesn't have the right form. The goal is to make the work as effective as possible and still get as close to technically correct as possible. One shouldn't compromise technique or content--you have to aim for both.

Yes all that is true if you are strictly following the rules of Shakespearian sonnets, but modern sonnets often deviate from these structures to better serve their themes. And honestly, do you think this piece would be more effective in iambic pentameter? 

This is nice. I enjoy the content and the idea. But it isn't technically a sonnet. Most of the lines have 4 stressed syllables rather than 5 and some of it isn't in iambic pentameter. Also, the rhyme scheme is off. The rhyme is meant to be interchanging. 

I enjoyed the poem.  However, I think that the last two lines don't really fit the style or feel of the rest of the poem.  I realize that sonnets tend to have this quality, but the transition was a bit jarring for me.  In addition, the rhyming in the last two  lines could perhaps be a bit smoother.  Overall, though, great work!  The imagery was very evocative.  

Sonnet for the Concrete

&amp;nbsp;  

Midnight pale of city blocks  
The bulbs all stutter, blink the silent  
Otherworld of wrappers blown  
Through payphones’ shadows, cold and violent.  
And if I chose to leave it now  
By morning these streets would forget me,  
The trains would bring me to the limits  
Reversing to their last stops, empty.  
Yet flashing red and gold, come sirens   
On earnest tires, along the midnight’s  
Pavement, diving back to darkness  
Armed with stretchers, gauze and flashlights.   
And though I cannot help their cause, to rush into that losing fray  
I warm to watch those taillights pass, warm for one more night to stay  
&amp;nbsp;  
&amp;nbsp;  &amp;nbsp;  

More: [Obituary](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4ki3md/obituary/)
&amp;nbsp;  
[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4lmyxv/useless/d3q9mci) | [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4lctvv/wild/d3mbgtr?context=3)