should probably be "to" not "too", it could maybe use some more punctuation as well. 

i would like more development of the concept as well, it's a bit of a tease. my personal association for this poem is with my experiences of dissociation and whatever else it is that makes me utterly unable to focus in certain environments. But, I just want a bit more of something, a little more craft in either the story or the telling of it. the language is quite plain, the structure is simple, and the narrative is complete but very limited. while none of that is "wrong" it does mean the poem struggles to make an impression on me.

The last line "or ever at will" leaves something to be desired. You rhyme the third and second to last lines, they are the only rhyming lines in the text (except for "be" and "perfectly") so they make a hard impression on the tone of the poem and change the flow of it. Which would be good if you intended to end it on that note, but instead you add "or ever at will" which is a very key point in to meaning of the poem but it leaves the reader waiting for more of a concluding gavel. I don't know that much about the actual terminology or *official* rules of poetry(/creative writing) but the rudimentary way i understand it is that a piece of writing flows and ebbs, it moves up and down in intensity and emphasis. So, the second and third to last lines are a hard up in intensity and they kind of snap the readers attention to the text, but(as long as there are more lines) what goes up must come down and that hard up has a hard fall, the rhythm falls back down and that is where you end it. The 

Hmm. I think this is me. It applies to so much.

I think the message of the poem is applicable to the majority of us, and it certainly holds a haunting truth! As for the style, I think the poem would be even better if you threw a little rhyme and rhythm in there! 

The light needs to be

Just right

The smell perfectly 

Unnoticeable

The sound will fade

Into the background

&amp;nbsp;

Then I'll have something

To say.

I couldn't find it today

or ever at will

&amp;nbsp;



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https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4mkl5g/stargazing_on_a_spring_night/





The Little Things