Source
r/BPDlovedones•
mo3eers

Discovered prescient lyrics written a year ago, before I knew about BPD (plus: thanks BPDlovedones!)

Music

Hey Folks, So a couple days ago I found this file on my computer I forgot I'd made a year ago: re-written lyrics of "Don't think Twice It's Alright" made in a fit of despair.

Looking back, the accuracy amazes me (touches on love bombing, acting in, splitting, my codependency, her fear of abandonment, etc.), especially given my lack of self/situational awareness at the time.

I wrote it:

  • about 9 months after I married my (now ex-) uBPD
  • 2 months before she started overtly triangulating me with a new 'platonic' male friend & splitting me black
  • ~ 3 months before she preemptively abandoned our relationship (the day after our first wedding anniversary) and made it official with her 'platonic' friend
  • 4 months before I moved out, learned for the first time what BPD was from my doctor/psychiatrist, and then discovered this sub (I can't thank you all enough, this was so important for me to find!!)

After which, I quickly got the divorce papers in order, blocked all avenues of communication with her and went NC (i.e. I finally left HER, because she just wanted to be separated, but still have me around in her life, of course.)

I was a tortured, waaay different and uninformed person when I wrote this (be kind, custom breakup-song lyrics is an inherently embarrassing form of writing) so I added a final verse -- and couldn't help but change one original line* since BPD fit the rhyme scheme.

Hope someone here finds this comforting, encouraging, or helpful in some way. You've all benefitted my life immeasurably.

it seems like such an easy story
you meet a girl and fall in love
then evenin' joy and morning glory
happiness… sometimes... well, kind of

but when i saw the way you could be
it’s not your fault that I didn’t see,
you were broken - with bpd*

don’t think twice it’s alright

you know i’m not a fan of sadness
like the kind you’ve shown to me
but i had never known such madness
'til i earned your third degree

this melody’s been sung before
by other folks who walked out the door
but they were stronger n'me in their core

don’t think twice it’s alright

I’m too afraid to live without you
('cuz) you know what I think I'm worth
this misery ain't just about you
s’ don’t think i’m just bein' a jerk

don't you worry your pretty head
if I could leave, we’d never’ve wed
i’ll just suffer... 'til i’m dead

don’t think twice it’s alright

It's been a year now since I wrote down
words of baffled, hopeless grief
and in the time since it all broke down
I've found my life in more relief

without your storms fog turns into dew
revealing skies, reliably blue
(and) you'll keep doin' those things you do

(I) don't think twice, it's alright

Posted Jun 13, 2016, 1:17 AM UTC · edited

77
Married2BPD•

Pretty cool lyrics, man. The non, singing to his love while she sits unmoved, sadly ruled by her chaotic mind. She's out of touch with reality, which makes the lyrics even more sad because you're really just singing to yourself.

3
mo3eersOP•

Well, agreed, but hah! I never sang that for her... in fact I forgot about it cause I had marked it a generic untitled text file and buried it in inactive folders for fear of her wrath if she'd found it (I'm sure someone here can relate). But 6+ months of NC, a year after writing it, I guess I'm singing it to bpdlovedones, which is hopefully where it'll make a difference!

2
mrsmanicotti•

Thanks for sharing! Music, poetry etc. can be such a powerful expression and cathartic.

3
mo3eersOP•

Thanks! And in this case a good personal time capsule. I definitely meant it about suffering til death, but before I knew I had a breaking point, got therapy, and found out how downright beautiful life after my uBPD SO could be. For anyone in a similar hopeless place, believe me, you're stronger than you can imagine while constantly being barraged by the chaos

3
Iammy_project•

I actually sang my song to my ubpd stbxw. That was the end...she told me it was beautiful and followed that with the fact that she didn't love me and never would.

Guess the title shouldn't have been "Borderline"

That evening went from laughs and good times to being permanently split black in a few minutes of total vulnerability. At least I know now.

3
bitterloa•

well since we're sharing songs and all...

i did much the same thing. i wrote this song after meeting the person who later became my ex. we met, went on one date then i never heard from her for 3 years. i wrote this maybe a few weeks after we met, never thought i'd see her again. three years later, she shows up at a show (her hair wasn't black anymore, back to natural blonde, but i recognized her immediately). we used to laugh about it. i think i scared her a little because after we were together for a while i sent her the lyrics and she said she felt uncomfortable that i knew her so well and she wasn't aware that it was that obvious..

she's got these green eyes

that cut through you with no attachments

she's got this golden hair

but now she dyes away her past and

if you don't love yourself

how can i love you more

men work for your affections

but, she don't think she's worth the chore

just want to get to know you

don't care about your past

but you're a broken beauty

that hides herself in black

[chorus/repeat]

just let me treat you bad

best bad you ever had

so yes i understood many things years before we even started dating. the way i've changed now is, i most definitely do care about your past! :D i don't think anyone can really understand what it's like being with someone with a PD unless they've experienced it themselves. this shows i was very intuitive but lacked wisdom from experience. i think perhaps your song does as well.

2
mo3eersOP•

Great lyrics - thanks for sharing! I especially connect with the part about 'she dyes away her past' and your not caring (at the time) about that. Weirdly enough, when I met my ex uPBD she had dyed bright red hair! She of course changed it (since she was changing everything again) when we started dating, and I definitely didn't pay enough attention to what (undoubtedly distorted things) she told me about her past.
It is interesting seeing the intuition pre PD awareness isn't it? But yeah it's a whole different thing experiencing it, and then knowing what caused it.

1