Can't Get Legally Married at Wedding

I say go ahead with the wedding then get legally married when you can. As a guest, I would have no problem with this and would still be just as happy for you two.

In some places it's quite common do to the legal bit at a different time than the wedding celebration, especially if it's not a religious wedding. Usually the legalities are done before the wedding itself but there's no reason why it has to be that way.

If I were you, I would go ahead with the wedding anyway and then sort out the legalities as soon as possible. I wouldn't hide it from the guests if they ask, but I wouldn't announce it either.

You're not wrong to feel the way you feel. It's always a bummer when things don't go as planned and you're perfectly justified in feeling disappointed. All you can do is make the best of it and try to enjoy the celebration with your family and friends. You will be married in the end; it will just take a little longer than you had planned. Two months is nothing compared to a lifetime!

First off, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this added stress. That being said: Unless it's specifically part of your ceremony, most couples don't sign their license in the presence of their guests anyhow. You don't need to address it at all and if anyone asks you can say "that's being taken care of behind the scenes" with a smile. Have your wedding, enjoy standing up in front of your family and friends. The license is all just paperwork. Make the day about you love, not bureaucracy.

Honestly, and this might be a regional thing, but I've never been to a wedding where the marriage certificate was signed. Every time, they either did it weeks before or after the ceremony. Like other posters have said, the wedding is a celebration of your love, not the legal paperwork. I know you and your fiancé are feeling a lot of stress, and I totally think you are justified in feeling that way - you had a plan, you had a vision for how it was going to work out, and now it's not going to work out that way - but my advice would be to let it go and do the paperwork when you're able. Those months in between might be hard, but I don't think there's anything wrong with having the wedding before the papers are signed.

Don't worry about it, and you don't have to say anything about it to your guest either. My best friend got married 10 days before her actual wedding due to legal issues (It was a destination wedding in a different country where they couldn't get legally married). None of they guests knew, except for me because I asked her about it. And even if the guests knew, they wouldn't have cared.

I'm really sorry you guys have to deal with this added stress. In an ideal world, everyone would have the ability for their legal marriage and their ceremonial marriage to coincide if they so choose, but sometimes, shit just happens and things get complicated and that's no longer the best option. And it makes total sense to be upset about that.

But the thing is - guests aren't there saying "wow! I'm so happy to celebrate that they get to put each other on their health insurance and that they get to visit each other in the hospital and that they get to change their taxes!" Guests are there to say "wow, I'm so happy to be here to celebrate their love." And that still stands, regardless of the legal status of that day. Your guests love and want to celebrate you as a couple, the legal status between you is an added bonus.

The ceremony and the legality of marriage both matter. So why not celebrate both? Keep your lovely reception plans with all your out-of-towners, and down the line when you can get the marriage license to back up that commitment, celebrate again with all your local people!

You don't have to be super thrilled that it's not working out the way you planned - I know I wasn't. But that doesn't mean it's not still a great plan.

I personally think making a commitment to be with each other in front of friends and family is its own very special thing and that the legalities of marriage don't need to be a part of it.

If you will consider your commitments to each other as valued and sacred when saying the words you do on your wedding day, then you'll be married! Then, in September you can sign some papers ;)

I say do the wedding and get legally married when you can. I'm not getting legally married at my wedding, either - my FH and I are doing it the night before, because it's easier logistically and gives us more freedom with our wedding (and also b/c officiant laws in Ohio are weird). No one's had an issue with it.

Well I can tell you my story...

My husband and I asked his uncle to marry us and he went through the process of getting the license which is good for our wedding day. We had our wedding on the 4th and when I got his paperwork I noticed that his date was good for the 5th. We didn't think it would be a big deal and so I went down to our recorders office ang was told that there was nothing they could do and that we weren't legally married.

I was really upset and we had to go down to the courthouse and get married. In the end, I think it was pretty neat to have the big ceremony in front of our loved ones and the small one together. Our anniversary will always be our actual wedding date to us. Sometimes things happen out of your control.

I think if the date is something special to you then a ceremony is still meaningful even if the paper says something else.

We are doing this intentionally, because it doesn't make financial sense to be legally married at this point. We will likely get legally married on some anniversary.

Our immediate family is fully aware and views it no differently, because they see how we view it.

My parents had a wedding and weren't legally married until over 2 months later, this is completely accepted in lots of countries. What's important is that you've made a promise to one another in front of your loved ones, you'll get the piece of paper later. You also don't have to tell anyone, I know that as a guest I wouldn't care.

There's been some great comments here already but just adding my two cents.

I am not legally getting married at my formal ceremony. We will have been legally married for over a month by then. I was REALLY upset about having to do this at first, but it really isn't a huge deal. Just get married when you can, my FH and I both see our "second" wedding as the real one and the one that matters most, the legal part is just a formality :)

I have no advice, just plenty of internet (((hugs))).

I would contact your attorney and explain to him that you had planned to get married on July 1 and everything is set. Ask him why exactly he recommends for you wait for the asylum decision. If you are a US citizen it really shouldn't make a difference or there could be other options for you.

Surprise similar situation happened to me. At the wedding we signed the wedding licenses only to find out later that our officiant signed the wrong spot. Nullifying all the paperwork. To be fair, it was a rather confusing document with no explanations (Missouri state). Sadly, neither of us or the officiant lived in Missouri, so getting it fixed wasn't an I option. Instead, we did a tiny 5 minute ceremony at a Kansas courthouse with two college friends. I was upset at first, but then I realized I get two anniversaries! One day to publicly celebrate and the other just the two of us, and a select few, know about :-)

The meaning of the ceremony is not derived from the consequences, but from the love between the two of you, the intent to spend the rest of your lives together and the vows that you make.

Because of legal reasons, we didn't get legally married at our wedding either. Everybody was well aware that the wedding wasn't the legal marriage. Nobody cared.

In the UK it's common to do the official bit at a different time (before or after), and in Belgium you can't have a religious wedding without getting legally married first (can't do both in one go), so there is the expectation that the ceremony, if it's not done at the town hall, is not legal anyway.

I am sorry this stresses you out, but just take this opportunity to make the ceremony even more about the two of you, what you mean to each other and what your future looks like. And you don't have to tell anyone anyway, depending on where you live, people won't expect the wedding and the legal marriage to be done at the same time.

If it makes you feel any better, my sister and her husband didn't get legally married for a few months after their NYC wedding, where they signed their marriage license right before the ceremony...because their officiant lied about getting new york certified and submitted his paperwork AFTER they submitted their marriage license.

Oh I am so sorry!

At this point, I'm assuming guests have already made travel plans. I totally get your squeamishness as it might seem like a bait and switch - rather, it's something that is out of your control.

So I would make two suggestions - do either of these seem like a good fit for you?

1. go ahead with it, consider letting guests know ahead of time that legal circumstances are unfortunately conspiring against you and this won't be a legal union, but you still want to commit to each other in front of family and friends.

2. let everyone know that you can't do the legal union due to unforseen circumstances and don't feel comfortable going through with the ceremony, but still want to have a celebration of your love and partnership with your family and friends? And just skip the ceremony and do the reception?

I would postpone the wedding. People will understand.