Combed (a haiku)
[deleted]
Posted Jun 16, 2016, 9:55 PM UTC
34
I think this haiku is strong as it leaves me with not only an image, but a feeling. It's very intriguing- I agree it's delicate like the commenter below me but it makes me wonder if there's a twinge of darkness behind it. Could it be love and adoration? Could it be a delicate control and power? It's wonderfully representative of the two sides of the love coin.
2
this was elegant. so short, so beautiful. for some reason, to me it all stands for something bigger. this is what a haiku has to do. nice work!
2
I like how the imagery gains emotional weight from its simplicity. I think if you used a different word for combers on line 2 it could add more and be less redundant.
2
Beautiful, simply beautiful. This is what haikus are supposed to look like, not any collection of words that make a 5-7-5. It's simple, elegant, and presents a very delicate image. It also has a modern flare, which I love.
Great work :)