Source
r/JUSTNOMIL•
ButteredToads

(Asfixia) Finally decided to tell her how I feel.

Bitch Bot will fill you in. Im going to name her Asfixia

Asfixia messaged me hello and how am i and all that yesterday. I didnt answer and she said "if you dont want to talk to me its okay, have a good day." I told DH and he said that it was rude that i ignored her but this whole situation he has washed his hands clean of. I sent back that i was busy and i am fine. then i sent this:

"you being ashamed of my private sexuality makes me very uncomfortable and makes me feel not welcome. Yes, I'm attracted to men and women. I've never cheated on your son. I will never cheat on him. it is difficult to spend time with you when you feel so strongly about this. I am bisexual and never will change. it hurts me deeply that you think my sexuality is embarrassing. It's not fair to be judged so harshly on something I am not ashamed of. my sexuality will never change. It is not fair that I was forced to lie about what I am for you to allow me to be in your family. I just want you to love me for me. i do not know how to handle this situation because you will always feel this way about me. you will be sweet to my face but have these hateful views."

she said she was in a hurry and couldnt talk about it at that moment.

This morning she sent this. (roughly translated) "I hope that with what I'm going to say it does not you much your feelings I'll be soft and sincere with my words but also I'll tell what I feel because I have always spoken to with the truth I've never lied to about my thoughts or desires. I ask God to help me and put the correct words and not hurt you and that you understand my position as well as I want to I understand yours"

"This for me is very difficult in the first place. There are going to be 2 questions: Does your mom know of your 'sexual preference'? ((Dis bitch putting it in quotes)) What your looking for when I talk about this?"

me: "Yes she knows and she doesnt care. She has no problem with it because it does not affect her. I want you to stop talking badly about me and stop judging me. I have been nothing but nice to your family. If you are unable to do that, I have no problem going no contact. "

her: "I have not spoken badly to you and I do not judge you, Did you lie to me from the beginning because you did it? It is another of my questions"

Me: Really? You wouldn't let me come to your house after SIL told you I had an ex-girlfriend. I had to write a fake apology note. Which I regret doing. You told DH that it was "embarrassing for him to be married to a gay woman". Yes I told you what you wanted to hear because I care about him and I wanted to be with him. I dated a female because I was attracted to her, not because I had mental issues or daddy issues. I dont know what I want out of this. It is just refreshing to get it out of my system and tell you that I know what you say and it is not okay."

Frick this. Done done done. I have a feeling this is going to lead to NC. Fine.

Posted Jun 22, 2016, 2:19 PM UTC

3526
triannatake2•

I've never understood why some people think that being bi means you will eventually cheat. I'm eating a strawberry sundae but I do like that brownie one, but I'm committed to my strawberry. I can appreciate that brownies look nice, but my strawberry is with me now and I'm sticking to my decisions and our commitments. Yes, I may have had a brownie sundae in the past, but we decided to see other desserts long before strawberry came into the picture.

I'm not sure why I just alluded sexuality to sundaes, but now I'm hungry.

29
Toirneach•

Yarp. I dated almost as many women as men when I was single. It's been almost 26 years of marriage and 3 years dating before that, and I've managed to control my evil bi urges in all that time. If a straight woman can look at another man and say he's sexy (and god knows everyone does it) but doesn't sleep with that man, it's normal. If I look at another woman and think she's sexy, surely I must go sleep with her immediately, because bisexual = promiscuous, amirite? Ugh.

11
ButteredToadsOP•

Noms. Its the week before shark week. You monster!

5
One_cent_worth•

Oh, you didn't know? All hetero's are completely faithful and never cheat.

3
Achatyla•

Yum. I much prefer strawberry to chocolate brownies. Majority of the time, I will always go strawberry but occasionally a chocolate brownie catches my eye.

I'm confused because I started talking about actual sundaes and realised that's actually a super accurate description of my sexuality. And I too am craving sundaes.

3
UseTheForceKimmie•

Also your husband does need to be involved here, if for no other reason than to back you up when you go NC.

8
ButteredToadsOP•

He will do that. He is just tired of the drama. He said that he doesnt want to be the go between that I need to confront her.

3
UseTheForceKimmie•

Yeah but that's likely just going to cause her to blame you for everything, including tension between her and her son. Things were fine until you came along! And other such nonsense.

2
TheRipley78•

Sweetie, he is erroneous in his thinking to just nope out like that. His first and foremost priority is to protect you, to have your back, and that includes BACKING DOWN HIS OWN MOTHER. My husband told me to do the same thing with his mom and if you're familiar at all with my post history, you know how well that panned out. And he needs to tell HER, not you, that he refuses to be in the middle and your relationship comes first. She started this, and he should be the one to stop it before it starts getting worse than it already is.

2
ButteredToadsOP•

Him and I talked just now. All is well between us two. He supports me and translated for me. He supports my NC

1
TheRipley78•

So glad to hear this. I hope it gets better (or at least brought down to a tolerable level) from here on out.

1
ButteredToadsOP•

Anyone speak spanish? This is translating too roughly

Si es enserio! Yo nunca he hablado mal de ti o cuando según tu lo he hecho puedes decirme no recuerdo

Pues no me hubieras mentido estubo mal de parte tuya tu ya sabias que no ibas a estar bien con esta familia sabiendo tu lo que yo pensaba y ahora mira las consecuencias

Yo mas bien pienso que no estas bien de tus pensamientos sexuales yo no creo que tengas nada de eso tu lo que necesitas es conocer a Dios

Deberías de tratarte he ir con un Doctor y buscar a Dios porque el es el único que te puede ayudar

Yo puedo guiarte si así lo quieres yo estoy dispuesta ayudarte

Tu confundiste el cariño de una amistad con una amiga y pensaste por eso que era amor de pareja y que por eso eras gay

Lo que pasa es que te falto el amor de tus papas desde chiquita y te refugiarte en una amiga y confundiste todo

2
bunnicorn•

All I've got is the first sentence:

"Yeah, it's serious." or something like that. My kitchen spanglish doesn't get me very far.

3
ButteredToadsOP•

This is the rough online translator. But I need word for word.

Yes seriously! I have never spoken badly about you or when according to your have done can you tell me I do not remember

Well not had lain me estubo badly of part of you your as you know that you were not going to be okay with this family knowing your what I thought and now look at the consequences

I rather think that not these good of your sexual thoughts I do not think that you have anything like that your need is to know God

You should treat you've going to a Doctor and seek God because the is the only one that can help

I can guide you if want I am willing to help you

Your you confused the affection of a friendship with a friend and thought that that was love of partner and that's why you were gay

What happens is that your parents love you miss from chiquita and you seek refuge with a friend and confused everything

2
pantsuitofdoriangray•

Is there nuance of meaning she could be conveying that would make any further discussion of your sexuality between you and her appropriate? You have said what you wanted to say. What do you want to hear back from her now? What are the chances you will hear that specific response from her? If the answer is "not much chance," then stop clarifying and negotiating. You can reply that the topic is no longer a matter for discussion between you, nor is it something she is welcome to discuss about you with others. Her curiosity should now be counted as satisfied.

3
ButteredToadsOP•

You hit the nail on the head. I have stopped responding. I never wanted to be outted to her. It is none of her buisness. She brought this up to him. I wasnt even there. She had the nerve to ask me if there is someone else, that just just needs to know. Im so livid. I didnt choose for her to know. It is very inappropriate to be talking about this.

3
brownbutterquiche•

Pinche puta. God, what a horrible woman.

2
ButteredToadsOP•

I was fucking pissed. I wish I knew what the second paragraph meant. She continued to text me about how i need god and if I had god then this wouldnt be happening. Guess she figured out that im atheist. She had the fucking nerve to ask me if I was cheating on DH. I ignored that haha. I told her that she needs to learn to respect me. That we will not have the same views but you must have mutual respect.

Yes seriously! I have never spoken badly about you or when according to your have done can you tell me I do not remember

You are a dumbass.

Well not had lain me estubo badly of part of you your as you know that you were not going to be okay with this family knowing your what I thought and now look at the consequences

Maybe its a good thing i dont know what this means.

I rather think that not these good of your sexual thoughts I do not think that you have anything like that your need is to know God You should treat you've going to a Doctor and seek God because the is the only one that can help

Can I roll my eyes any harder?

I can guide you if want I am willing to help you

Hilarious.

Your you confused the affection of a friendship with a friend and thought that that was love of partner and that's why you were gay

I'm pretty sure I just like fucking chicks...

What happens is that your parents love you miss from chiquita and you seek refuge with a friend and confused everything

Assuming chiquita refers to childhood, I miss my moms love from childhood so I like women sexually? Okay Freud.

1
blondieismynameo•

This is the best translation I could do...I did it word for word and added some clarification in parentheses where I thought it was needed.

Yes, it's serious. I've never spoken badly of you, even though according to you I have - can you tell me (when), I don't remember.

Well, you shouldn't have lied to me, that was wrong on your part, you already knew you were not going to be okay with this family knowing what I thought and now look at the consequences.

I don't think you're good (uh, meaning, "I don't think you're a good person") because of your sexual thoughts and you don't have what you need to know God (it has a meaning like, you're not "right with God" because of your sexuality)

You should go to a doctor to be treated and look to God, that's the only way you can get help.

I can guide you, if you want, I am willing to help.

You mistook the love of friendship (that you had) with your female friend and thought it was romantic love, and so you were gay.

What happens is you are missing love from your parents ("your parents didn't love you enough") from when you were a little girl, and you took refuge in a friend and confused all (confused friendship with sexual feelings)

2
Achatyla•

So much bullshit. Sooooooo muuuuuuch buuuuuuullshiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

All that religious love and tolerance boils down to fuck all with this woman.

2
ButteredToadsOP•

Thank you

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
rhondapiper•

This is stupid and offensive. I've been in lots of relationships with both men and women (I'm a woman), but I've spent the last twelve+ years with the same woman. So many people that I dated in the past thought that because I'd been with another gender that I'd cheat or they wouldn't be enough. It's offensive. Luckily, the woman I finally settled down with thinks she's awesome and isn't worried about anyone of any gender.

However, half my parents lie about my life, either by omission (mother) or by actually inventing a husband for me (SF) because they're so ashamed of me and afraid of being judged. People are really fucked up.

2
koukla1994•

My bi male friend just cannot get a girlfriend bc when they find out they all freak that he's gonna run off and fuck a guy. I mean I always say good riddance to bitches like that because he is a lovely person (he's had healthy long term relationships with both men and women, he's not an ass). But when I tell people I'm bisexual it's all "omg that's so hot go make out with that girl" or the inevitable threesome question. I hate it and I'm so sorry your MIL treats you this way. Bisexual people are not cheaters! We're just less fussy about genitals ;)

2
MILBitchBotrobo stalker•

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