Source
r/OCPoetry•
samanthalynnie

The Bitterness of Nostalgia

Feedback Received!

once upon a time I knew a boy
who taught me to adore long walks on rainy nights
strong black coffees and vintage clothing
I was sixteen and he was gentle and sweet
eighteen and clumsy and so in love with me
that he once didn't hit the brakes in time
so lost in my face that he rearended a pickup truck
and he called my dad to apologize
said "I'm sorry sir, couldn't live with myself if she'd gotten hurt"

I still remember his room;
the greygold bed in the left corner
laying on his bed while he played guitar
watched old movies, joked about stupid things

he never told me he loved me. not once until it was over
and I had broken his heart.

It's taken me almost four years
to finally write about you. but I hear your laugh in every Metallica song
and I flash back to your bedroom
and I remember your ocean eyes

I've never said it above a whisper. I'm so sorry
I was young and blind
you were cautious and safe and I'm sorry
I never knew till it was ending
Dan, I didn't know what I was doing

(I see you fall in love with her through photographs.
I'm smiling at the screen.
I remember the days you played your guitar
I still have the cd you made me
ten minute minivan contracts
inside jokes still stuck in my head.
I don't know what's gotten into me lately.
I'd never say this aloud.
I don't know why you're in my thoughts so much lately.)

https://m.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qe6px/purpose/?sort=confidence&utm_source=mweb_redirect&compact=true

https://m.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qeygh/due_by_dawn/

Posted Jun 29, 2016, 9:44 PM UTC

34
teiggg•

This poem is awesome. It's as much about love as it is about memory. And the power that memory holds over us. Amazing.

2
samanthalynnieOP•

Thank you so much

1
clowcharlie9•

It's very vivid and reflects the raw thought processes of the mind. Also, I like how each word is powerful as it reflects the emotions you were feeling / feel.

1
gwrgwir•

I think capitalization and punctuation could use work throughout. Grammar and enjambment are fairly good, though minor work could be done as well. My suggestions towards possible edits are below.

 

Once upon a time, I knew a boy
who taught me to adore
long walks on rainy nights,
strong black coffee,
and vintage clothing.

I was sixteen
and he was gentle and sweet,
eighteen and clumsy
and so in love with me
that he once didn't hit the brakes in time -
so lost in my face
that he rear-ended a pickup truck
and called my dad to apologize,
said "I'm sorry Sir,
couldn't live with myself
if she'd gotten hurt."

I still remember his room -
the grey-gold bed in the left corner,
laying on his bed while he played guitar,
watched old movies, joked about stupid things.

He never told me he loved me.

Not once, until it was over
and I had broken his heart.

It's taken me almost four years
to finally write about you.

But I hear your laugh
in every Metallica song,
and I flash back to your bedroom,
and I remember your ocean eyes.

I've never said it above a whisper.
I'm so sorry.
I was young and blind;
you were cautious and safe

and I'm sorry
I never knew till it was ending
Dan, I didn't know what I was doing
(I see you fall in love
with her through photographs.
I'm smiling at the screen.
I remember the days you played your guitar.
I still have the CD you made me -
ten-minute minivan contracts,
inside jokes still stuck in my head.
I don't know what's gotten into me lately.

I'd never say this aloud.
I don't know why
you're
in my thoughts
so much lately.)

1