The Knowing
The first time I loved you was in your father's house
you pulled books from your old shelf
and opened your world to me a page at a time.
In the same room, you held my hand
through the worst dream and panicked tears
Not questioning, but returning embrace.
Even when my breaths fell to a steady pace.
Even then, I didn't let the words escape.
Even those nights when you let them slip.
August second, the power failed in Carolina heat.
We were the last two standing, and dancing,
and knowing.
I had an inkling then, but now,
oh lover, now this is knowing.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qj3be/subtle_sadist/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qjgks/s%C5%8Ds%C4%93%C5%8D%CB%8Cpath/
Posted Jun 30, 2016, 10:04 AM UTC · edited
44
Is there any reason why this poem is all one stanza? I understand if so, if you're doing it to show a memory, or a stream of consciousness, or a train of thought; however, to me, I feel that this poem breaks naturally into tercets (or lines of three).
Because this poem is written about love in the past, I was expecting it to end up as a poem about a lost love or suddenly become negative, but I was glad about the more positive ending (as I've interpreted the last line to be able the couple taking their love to a new stage or new place; although it is still ambiguous, the preceding lines give rise to a more positive ending - 'the words escape' maybe referring to I Love You? as well as dancing etc despite a power failure; but correct me if I've misinterpreted this, and it is meant to be negative) - and from re-reading the poem I now see the subtle positive feel it has. However, because of that, I also see the line as 'this goblin's name' as being a bit out of place. I know you're trying to present a negative event that is assuaged by the other person in the next line, but there's just something about the line that sticks out. Maybe it's the word goblin?
I realise that what I've written so far may come across as quite negative - I don't mean it to be and I hope you don't take it that way. I enjoyed this poem and I liked the instinctive flow it has - which is definitely suggestive of a memory or train of thought. Thanks for sharing it on here - I hope my feedback helps. (But take it with a pinch of salt!)
Is there any reason why this poem is all one stanza? Yes, but not a very good reason.. I wrote it at 6 am and stanzas/structure are so much easier after breakfast. I think the tercet suggestion will work for most of this poem.
'the words escape' maybe referring to I Love You? Yes. :)
You interpreted this poem well, and like these suggestions a lot. I agree about the word goblin, too. I could either change the word OR change the line to something about his quiet patience. Thank you for the feedback!
Hey I edited this poem with all of your feedback. Thank you for the helpful suggestions. It really helped bring this poem into its best version. :)