Losing weight in a relationship is more complicated.

Your girlfriend eats fewer calories than you, despite your perception of the situation.

My wife is now on board with CICO, and it's awesome, she's a new starter, after seeing my success she wanted to get some of that too, and it's helped, but it wasn't the case for the first 8-9 months.

In the end it came down to having an open dialogue with her. It started with a discussion. If she wanted to go out for fast food, that was fine, and I may pick a lower calorie option from the menu, or I may not have anything at all, I might even be persuaded to go get it for her, without getting it myself, because I had a specific goal in mind. We always discussed dinner, sometimes we would eat different things for dinner (she doesn't shoot for the same protein goals I do, I won't eat a meal that doesn't have some). She used to apologize for bringing too many snacks into the house, until I asked her to stop, and to quit taking the blame for my decisions, that I was a grown man and her bringing cookies and chips into the house didn't put them in my mouth for me and make me chew and swallow. Her taking the blame might encourage me to slide the blame over to her, something I couldn't abide. I don't blame the people that are nice enough to bring bagels in to work if I (and boy is it rare) decide to eat one.

It's not ideal, but it's workable. You just have to decide that losing weight is more important than eating the same high calorie foods that your girlfriend eats. There really is no way around it.

It's super awesome that you are building a life with a wonderful woman. Make the adjustments to make it a healthy life, you'll be even happier.

My girlfriend is one of the lucky ones. She doesn't workout, lives on a diet of chocolate silk creme pies and hungry man tv dinners and she doesn't gain a pound, she weighs in around 115-120. I on the other hand am not so lucky. I had not really paid attention to how I was eating because I had kept the weight off for about a year. I got too comfortable.

There's no such thing. Trust me, if you both were to track your food intake, you'd be surprised at how little she eats to maintain her weight, especially if she doesn't exercise at all.

As for your question, it's definitely feasible. It will probably make it harder for you (as you will need a lot of restraint), but with discipline anything is possible. You could also consider eating some of the food she eats, but in smaller portions. Don't forget, it's not necessarily about what you eat, it's about how much you eat.

hey friend!

I started dating someone at the beginning of this year and found it has been a challenge to my diet plans. the "dating" period means a lot of dinners out. I was self conscious at first about being that person who asks for 1000 modifications on her order. (you know, skip the cheese dressing on the side bla bla bla) my wonderful boyfriend always ordered an appetizer too. eventually I had to just be like hey dude, this is not working lol. turns out he always ordered an app cause he thought I'd want it and wanted me to be happy and satisfied. how adorable. but once I said I didn't want them, he stopped ordering them. I assume a part of him still wants them but its not a huge deal to him. so I imagine if there is a small concession your GF could make that would improve your life she'd do it. she loves you and wants the best for you. I'm sure she'd be fine eating chocolate pies at work and not keeping them in the house.

while I don't live with my boyfriend, I do live with other humans. human who do not have the same dietary needs as I do. the bottom line is I just eat my food and they eat theirs. I do my best to eat with my family. even if means just having a smaller portion or skipping one of the offerings or whatever. I have a few bags of frozen veggies in the freezer that cook right up in 4 minutes so worse comes to worse I can eat that while they eat their indulgent dinner. but I honestly find it easier to find a way to eat with them. if my mom makes pasta, I'm going to eat it. just a smaller portion. if they order pizza, i'll just have two slices.

One way to make the grocery situation more manageable is for you to a lot of the shopping/cooking. If you cook delicious healthy meals that make plenty of leftovers, she won't feel like she's missing out. There are a ton of things you can make that taste indulgent but are low cal and full of veggies, grains and protein.

You also have to be creative and learn to work certain things that she likes (like spaghetti or pizza) with the things you need (like a big green salad or veggies). If you start to incorporate your meals together, she'll naturally start eating healthier and you'll get to occasionally indulge (which isn't a bad thing).

Here's how me and my man do it. Some background: we've been living together 12 years, with many bad diets and bad habits along the way - but now we eat gooood. He's 31, 6'3 and slim, competitive cyclist body. He's never dieting because he naturally gets a high TDEE based on his height and activity level. I'm 30, 5'4 and trying to lose another 20ish lbs (35 lost), eating very low cal at the moment.

• Dinner: Each week I decide what dinners I want to cook to fit into my own diet, and add those meals to my list. I fill in any gaps with Pinterest recipes which I have categorized (meat, vegetarian, pastas, sides, etc.) so I can find things quickly based on what else I'm needing in my diet that week.
• I try to add in 2-3 dishes per week that are higher calorie for my hubby: ones that have more meat or a lot of beans, pasta, or grains. I can simply eat a smaller portion with more side veggies to fit within my calorie goals
• Lunches: I plan most meals so they're large enough to make two leftover portions. If you do this, you'll always have a homemade lunch the next day. We always have certain things on hand to beef up our leftovers for lunch: apples, oranges, salsa, avocado, boiled eggs, salad, etc.
• Breakfast: I feel like most people can easily do their own thing for breakfast due to different work schedules. We keep on hand: smoothie stuff, eggs, greek yogurt and cut fruit. Any of these can be portion controlled and can feel like a normal, not lame breakfast in the morning for her or you.

Here's some things I like to cook for us, so that he can have a big meal and I can have a smaller meal without really missing out on anything:

• Tandoori Quinoa : delicious, keeps in the fridge for days, easy to portion to your liking. Serve with plain greek yogurt (in place of sour cream) and a little cilantro.
• Taco stuff: He eats his grilled chicken with tortillas, cheese, sautéed peppers and onions, chips, salsa.....I eat my grilled chicken with the peppers and onions, lots of salsa and maybe some cheese
• Burgers: He eats his on a bun with cheese, sautéed peppers and onions, avocado, mayo, greens, etc. I eat mine with just the burger, greens, peppers and onions, avocado
• Meatballs - easy to make, easy to calorie count, easy to portion! Serve with broccoli, sweet potato, etc...
• Chicken thighs, with any type of vegetable or salad on the side - easy to portion, high protein, crowd pleaser

If you decide to start doing most of the meal planning/shopping, it's definitely more work, but before long it comes very easy and it's second nature to have certain sides and ingredients on hand to either eat a bigger, badder meal (her) or a leaner, calorie controlled meal (you). Hope this helps!

I've only asked that my husband not keep potato chips in the house. Other than that, he's welcome to have whatever he wants (though chocolate goes on a high shelf so I have to think about it before mindlessly snacking on it). Otherwise, it's not my food.

I don't let myself get wrapped up in how it's not fair that he "gets" to eat a bag of tortilla chips and salsa, because, frankly, life isn't fair. Different people have different bodies. My body requires a lot less fuel than his body does. Considering that I'm fairly healthy and still have all my limbs, "only" having to watch my food intake is getting off light, in the grand scheme of things.

I had to take responsibility for what I eat, and I had to relinquish responsibility for what he eats back to him. I prepare reasonably healthy foods, but, if he wants to eat too many of those healthy foods, that's his responsibility. I'm not his mother.

Hey there-

You're right! It is tougher. I am dating a great girl too and occasionally she will get into a "health kick" and want to diet like me, but most times she could care less what she eats. The one thing I have come to realize is that healthy eating doesn't have to be a big boring plate of chicken and broccoli. I've actually found that I can make recipes that are just as good as the unhealthy food which makes the diet more manageable and makes me more likely to maintain losses.

Try checking out Skinnytaste. They have tons of great recipes and most are in MFP already. Also, since you mentioned spaghetti specifically, I will tell you I love pasta dishes, so I recently got a spiralizer and I use it to make Zoodles! It's amazing. Good luck!

It's doable! My fiancé and I have very different calorie goals (1300 for me, 2500 for him), so we eat differently. He gets his giant plate of spaghetti (he loves pasta!) at lunch, and then I make a healthy dinner for both of us to share. It is hard for me to watch him indulge, but for us, sharing dinners made a world of difference. We enjoy eating together, and it made weight loss feel less isolating for me.

Try looking into more varied healthy meals--it doesn't have to be all chicken and broccoli. In the last 7 days, my fiancé and I had mussels and red sauce (put on top of spaghetti for her, just as satisfying without for you!), Italian style tuna steak, homemade ceviche, pizza, chicken quinoa & kale soup, turkey chili, and Vietnamese hot and sour soup.

I'm really looking forward to my boyfriend and I each hitting our goal weights, because then our sedentary TDEE's will be within 300 calories of each other. I do at least twice the physical activity so it may be even closer. I'm 5 inches shorter but have a large frame while he has a small frame. It will be nice on weekends to be able to split an order of french fries or Indian takeout once in a while without me being done for the day while he gets to eat another huge meal afterward.

We've never counted on having the same dinner regularly mostly because I'm vegan and he has an aversion to vegetables. If I make a more involved meal with the intent to have leftovers, he sometimes adds cheese or pasta to his portion while mine is lower calorie without.

If she's snacking on a bunch of junk foods that are tempting for you, you can always find a reason to go outside or do something in another room until she's finished. I'm fortunate that my boyfriend mainly eats junk in the finished basement while playing video games so half the time I don't even realize.

I didn't read all the posts, but I thought I'd contribute since I have a similar experience. My boyfriend is a hockey player who is vegan and struggles with being underweight - he's constantly trying to gain weight, but it will not happen for him. I weigh more than him, but I've lost 25 pounds since the beginning of March doing keto - which is very, very different than his high-carb and very starchy diet. We used to cook meals together all the time, and now we don't. Having pasta and bread in the house all the time used to be hard for me, honestly.

I think what ultimately worked for me was figuring out what foods I loved having that were okay for me to eat. That made it less difficult to go for his sweets and starches. Plus, we love walking our dog together and that means more exercise for me and he gets to play Pokemon Go. We also try to cook together once a week, a meal that's both vegan and keto. It's a challenge, but it's fun, and we get to hang out a little more. Being on his diet made me gain 50 pounds in relationship weight, and having his support in losing it again is a blessing. It was hard in the beginning, but I'm proud to say that we figured it out, and I am sure both of you will too! All the best!

I don't want her to have to change her habits for me though. My girlfriend shouldn't have to go without the things she likes.

Actually...don't worry too much about that. It's okay for people to change their habits to support their partners.

I've been married for 13 years to a man who has a metabolism like your girlfriend's. In addition I have all kinds of food restrictions that have nothing to do with weight loss so we have this problem constantly. One of our best tricks is, when he gets cookies/chips/candy from the grocery store, he keeps it in his office so I don't even have to look at it. We eat the same thing for most meals, but he eats more. And then he often gets a big bowl of chips after dinner and I don't. I don't ask him to be restrictive for me and he is also mindful about not causing me unnecessary temptation. It works.

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What kind of meals are you making? My SO is not "dieting", but he is a pretty open person when it comes to food. He eats what I eat when it comes to dinner/cooking. He just makes a bigger portion. Or will eat rice/pasta with it if it is a sauce type of meal.

If your girlfriend loves big plates of spaghetti, make a delicious red sauce and eat your over vegetables/zoodles/etc. while she has noodles. We do this all the time.

On a side note: Your girlfriend is not lucky or magic. She just eats way less than you. I've always been teeny tiny like your girlfriend, and I've eaten whatever I wanted for years. I thought I was a pig. Then I came here when I gained some weight and decided to do CICO. One thing I've realized is that I was not nearly as bad as I thought (the 15lbs I'm trying to lose pretty much solely came from beer).

I've finished a plate of food in a restaurant less than ~10 times in my entire life. I might have been ordering sliders or pizza or whatever.. but 75% of it found a to-go box instead of finding it's way into my stomach. Your girlfriend is probably the same way.. even if she does occasionally eat big meals. Or even when I was eating terribly, I was skipping meals without noticing all the time.

Your girlfriend is not defying science. She just eats less than you notice.

Think it's easier in a relationship because someone is there to support you. My boyfriend has a healthy weight. we tracked for a week what he eats because he was losing weight and it wasn't healthy anymore . Conclusion he needs around 3000cal a day to maintain, I eat Max 1350 a day to lose weight. Both have same dinner but he eats more of it . Also a solution.

Good luck!

Honestly, it sounds like she is skinny fat. Just because she can eat what she wants and not gain doesn't mean that it's any kind of healthy for her to eat how she does. Can you talk to her about having 'healthy meal' days? She can add stuff to hers like a carb side dish or something but have a healthier main dish. That could help satisfy her, but also gives you a chance for a healthy meal.

My SO and I are pretty separate when it comes to eating, though when I make a salad or some veg dish he'll take a little (with some encouragement). So while I am not tempted by his dinner entrees (I am a vegetarian and he is not), sometimes they smell way too good!

My strategy is to be sure I have great substitutes for the yummy stuff like pizza or whatever smells great to me. So my weekend meal prep is generally two entrees I absolutely look forward to eating all day long. And I make big batches of my favorite veggie burgers to freeze and cook when the day calls for a burger.

It's our system that I do most of the big grocery shopping and he takes care of his lunches and proteins himself.

I second the responses about your gf not eating as much as you think. I used to think my husband had the metabolism of a damn cheetah with how much he'd put away. while he has gained some weight over the past few years, he has maintained a very healthy weight for a while, and on occasion I will track what he actually eats and it's not as much as I thought. If he eats a huge breakfast, he won't eat again til late afternoon or even dinner. And unlike me, he can eat one serving of a Ben and Jerrys pint and put it away. However, since he's a 6' male who works out, naturally he eats more than I do. He will chow down on big plates of spaghetti and meatballs while I eat my cauliflower hash. It's tough, but it's just a fact of life for me bc I don't want to ask him to change anything. I know I need to control my own impulses in general, and having that temptation nightly is good practice. However, if your girl wants to get on board, that's great too!

My own experience of losing weight in a relationship:

• The things we do together, we succeed at.

• The things one of us tries to do separately from the other, we fail at.

By the way all our food is completely normal food, we just use less cream/butter/oil/fatty things in it. Your girlfriend would feel a lot better if her body got everything it needs in terms of nutrients. You guys should figure out some dishes you both like.

I cook all of the meals in the house, so I just practice portion control. SO is having a huge plate of pasta and I am having a smaller plate of pasta. SO is served about 1.5x my meal size and about 3.0x my lunch because he works a very physically demanding job.

That being said, as the one who makes all of the meals they have also always been healthy (i.e. no Hungry Man, creme pies, etc) so that helps, too.

Maybe see if there are things that you both like and how you can exercise portion control to help. It is sucky to have to eat two separate meals but sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

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