Story: That time I arrested a TI and ruined careers

Once upon a time, I was a young Security Forces Airman. This story took place late into my four year tour, I only had about three weeks left. This would have been Novemberish 2004. I was assigned to the magical McGuire Air Force Base, working the night shift as a law enforcement patrolman for the 305th Security Forces Squadron.

We had just gotten a batch of new folks, some first term right from tech school, and some from the missile fields. This night, I had a former missile dude with me, whose sole experience in this great Air Force was sitting in the middle of nowhere in the Great North. I had been telling him about how fucked up McGuire was, busting swingers, murderers, thieves (so many stories...).

Anyway, we get a call around 11 p.m. that there's damage to personal vehicles at Pudgy's, the club.

We roll out there, and sure enough, some dumb fuck spray painted a giant silver heart in the parking lot, but pesky vehicles were in the way, so the heart extended up and onto pickup trucks that flanked this beautiful art. The heart said John + Sarah.

Utilizing my crack cop skills, I walked into the club looking for our perps. The club was packed, with a DJ blasting music, and lots of people dancing. At this point in my career, I was in zero fucks given mode, so I went to the DJ, had him shut off the music, and got on the mic, asking the crowds if anyone knew who the fuck John and Sarah were.

Lo and behold, this meek little female Airman who weighed about 80 lbs said, "Sarah is in my squadron, she lives in dorm blah blah blah."

I went back outside, probably did some paperwork with the guys that had their trucks fucked up, I don't remember. I told my partner to saddle up, we're doing a fucking stakeout. On the way to the dorms, I got the alpha roster from the LE desk, and got an exact room for this girl.

We get there and knock, no answer. I check in with her neighbor, and "Sarah is out on a date."

We start heading back to the car, when here comes a guy and girl.

"John and Sarah?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Come on down and talk to us a second."

I asked this guy John if there was anything he wanted to tell us. He said no.

I checked his pickup truck, and there was a silver spraypaint can in the bed. I'm feeling like fucking Sherlock right about now. Peer into the cabin with a flashlight, and there's an open container of alcohol.

"Let me see your hands John."

Fucking silver fingertips.

Telling them both to "turn away from the sound of my voice, spread your fingers, spread your feet," never felt sweeter. Mission accomplished and all that shit.

A female Security Forces type came to transport the girl, and me and my partner took the guy.

As we're driving, I said, "Hey John. I see you're a Staff Sgt. Never seen you before, and I know most people on base. Where you from?"

John says, "Lackland."

I'm intrigued.

"What do you do there?" I say.

"I'm a TI."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I followed up with, "How do you know Sarah?"

"She was my trainee."

YOU ARE SO FUCKED.JPG

This was one of the greatest moments of my life, as I berated this guy who was cuffed in the back of the car. new missile cop guy said this was the greatest night of his life.

I wound up calling this guy's shirt in Texas, who freaked the fuck out, because Staff Sgt. John was supposed to be under house arrest for getting caught banging a bunch of trainees.

Guy gets thrown in our holding cells, and the icing on the cake comes:

He was the TI for some of our new, straight from Tech School Airmen, who proceeded to sit outside his cell, talking shit, which was glorious to witness.

The shirt had to fly out to pick this guy up and fly him home.

I talked to new Airman Sarah's shirt, who said he was not dealing with her shit, and she was kicked out after an amazing Air Force career that lasted three weeks.

The end.

EDIT: here the swinger story. It's getting downvoted, but you have to understand, it doesn't matter what I think. Dumb people will get charged when they're dumb.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AirForce/comments/4wc1q3/story_busting_swingers/