Story Time: Pranking Civilian at work....for 3 years

In Japan, there is this civilian who has worked in the same unit for years...I mean years. Old, fat, hates everyone except for the commander, and lets everyone know this. My office was joined up with the scheduling office(officers), which in turn was the opposite side of the civilian. We use to listen to music, and I had a subwoofer, a long with an officer on the scheduling side. Keep in mind, we never had the bass on to where anyone else not by the desk could hear it, but the civilian would always come in and tell us to turn down the bass, it was rattling his walls, and so forth. One day, he storms in, and is like turn off the music, yet no music was playing, the bass(that he thought he heard) was CE working on the roof. After listening to this civilian bitch to me about the evilness of bass, I've decided that it is time..My stereo was bluetooth, so I turned the bass all the way up, and i leave the room, and turn on a heavy base song. I hear, 'What the Fuck", keep in mind this guy is fat, so when he walks down the hall, you can see the water tremble in your glass Jurassic Park Style. And I turn the music off....he walks into the empty office, looks around, and goes back..It was around Halloween, and I was in charge of the sound effects, so I have a beating heart sound effect on my phone.. Again I start the music, the beating heart sound w/ bass is shaking the desks.."WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NOISE"...comes in again, empty office..The Ops Sup/Top 3 and I are watching this unfold and are laughing our asses off. We start the beating heart track again, and he slowly walks to the door, and we turn it off..he starts walking by my computer, nothing, walks over to the scheduling computer...nothing....He begins to walk out, I switch the track to a loud scream, turn it on, and he jumps and runs out into the hall.

Prank 2. During an exercise, our commander tells everyone not to use the side door at our squadron..Everyone including civilians, she makes this quite clear.. I look over and the civilian who is having a mini stroke after hearing this news because he parks his car right next to the side door, starts asking the commander if he could be an exception.. The commander says, "no", civilian realizes that he might have to burn actual calories and walk. Well the exercise kicks off, one point of entry exit, and all that jazz, and the civilian starts using the side door...We and another airman in my shop, decide we need to be good airman and enforce her order that no one could exit the door...So, day one of a 2 week exercise, we put tooth paste under the door nob...Que Jurassic Park as our waters tremble as the civilan goes to leave...we hear...Omg, what is this....pause for sniffing...Toothpaste,,,Who put toothpaste on "my" door..he seriously said my. For that week, it went from putting Vaseline, seran(spelling) wrap along the entire door, bengay, and so forth.

Next exercise, the same thing, he keeps using the door, and its getting close to when he decides to leave for the day...so we get hit with Alarm Yellow. I ask one of inspectors who is one of my friends to put a bomb by his car. "I was on the PAR team" he laughs because we equally dislike the guy..Alarm black, PAR team goes out, I do my sweep along the par stands, and I see the bomb, I call into the UCC, I do my reports, and we have to Cordon off the area. As Im clearing the area, the little shit comes out of the side door. I proceed to tell him to get back into the building there is a live bomb in the area. He's like, but my car is there. I quickly reply,"So is the bomb" He huffs and goes back in side.. I'm going to finish off my sweep, and as I come back to the bomb, I see the guy trying to poke his head out all Mission Impossible to see if we were still out there. I shout 'Hey, get back into the Fucking Building. So the Cordon holds, I have an airman guarding the exit door so no one can exit that door, and it takes EOD 2 hours to get to us, before he could finally leave.