I saw John the Dullahan.
I saw John the Dullahan.
He was covered in bee’s wax.
Caesar’s roman candle,
shot as a warning.
Like tiger came the-
Christ is now crossing the barrier reef,
bringing the fearful to carry the light.
Hammering, hammering gold to a leaf;
slivers of glistening God in the night.
Trudging the ocean with holes in his feet,
fountains of purify spray from his veins.
Finnegans wake again witness his fleet,
bleached as the snow that will cover remains.
All-father! All-father! Made from my clay!
Fear me! Fear ME! Maker of day!
Posted Aug 24, 2016, 1:00 AM UTC · edited
72
It's hard for me to get on-board with the vibe you're planning here. Having the title as "John the Dullahan", and an opening line mentioning him, is very significant. Yet, I've never heard the name. Google gave me nothing. Is that intentional? Is this poem about the "holiness of the unknown/ordinary man"?
You have several strong historical references here, contrasting the unknown name of "John the Dullahan". Is that intentional? Are we supposed to view John as an equally significant cultural figure as Caesar, Christ, or Joyce?
Is
supposed to be "purity" instead of "purify" ?
is a near favorite line, being both musical and topical.
there is a lot of potential for referencing Joyce's work, using "wake" and the other ocean imagery, but I think this line falls flat. Perhaps "Finnegan wake again to witness the fleet" or "Finnegan's wake again misses the fleet"
I like the latter most, hinting that "complication" and "idiosyncrasy" are not in Christ's bag of tricks.
Or is it John the Dullahan who is proclaiming "Fear me! Fear ME! Maker of day!" ??
Why the mention of John and Caesar in italics, then the change to Christ?
is my favorite line. A fantastic transition, although I don't know what we're transitioning from, or to where. Which is essentially my criticism of this poem: There are 4 proper-nouns here, and so much action, it's hard to know what train we're on. I imagine reading "other pieces from the same narrator" could help to orient myself, but I'd rather analyze this poem on its own merits.
In summary, this poem is interesting, and gives a glimpse of a vibrant world, but the glimpse is so short and chaotic it's hard to know whether or not I saw anything important.
Thanks for sharing, and please keep writing!
Edit: I've discovered Dullahan is a creature from Irish mythology, "a headless rider, usually on a black horse", but this further complicates the reading of this poem, especially when coupling it with "John the ..."
Looking forward to explanations on your target Gummyfail and why you chose these tools.
Hey! thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment such a thoughtful reply! This one is very rough; it might be more fun to write than to read.
The other poems probably wouldn't help understand this one (or visa-mastercard)
As far as overall themes, if they didn't translate then I'll keep that in mind in further revisions.
Some important bits: John the Dullahan is meant to be a reference to John the Baptist.
Italics are supposed to be a different voice.
purify is not a typo.
I'm sorry if that isn't satisfactory, but explaining my pieces keeps me in a head space that damages my writing (I don't work as hard at putting a point across).
Once again, thank you so much and I'll definitely work one the issues you have here.