so i've been thinking

I’ve been chain-smoking cigarettes

to remind me of you

and all I’m thinking about

is how each inhale is

charring my lungs and making it

harder for air to move

between my blood vessels

 

and then I take a deeper breath

 

I’ve been chatting to boys

with dead eyes and other girlfriends

and all I’m thinking about

is how their touch feels like

your touch after you

told me you didn’t

love

me

anymore

 

and then I hold them a little tighter

 

all I’m thinking about is how you

aren’t thinking about me at all

 

how you think

less about

me

and more about

everything that

isn’t

me

 

and then I let myself believe that

I don’t think about you

as often as I used to

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