The Girl I Am Falling For Is Dating My Friend [Haiku]
Posted Aug 29, 2016, 7:00 AM UTC
3726
Ooooooooooooh this one hit me right in the feels.
Man the stifled pain in this piece is powerful, and that dash is an awesome kireji. It's not a traditional haiku, but man does it work. Great job.
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Thanks! I may play around with this to make it more 'traditional' (what do you mean when you say that?).
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No no no, don't make it more traditional, it's perfect as it is.
Haiku are traditionally elegant and depict a delicate scene from nature. This is more tortured and melancholy, but that is absolutely fine and the poem definitely works.
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This is probably best described as a senryu, a variant of haiku (which still requires a kireji), which focuses more on human beings and less on a nature scene.
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Okay. Thank you!
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Truly, love is about appreciation. Not possession.
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Oh wow. I don't usually like Haikus but this one was good! You have to get really creative to be able to make something this great in such a short poem.
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I think this is absolutely awesome. Being such a short poem, it can be hard for feedback. That being said, what if you made a series of haikus that kind of showed your journey progress? Also, if the title of the post is the title of the poem, I would shorten it a little, but that's just me. Really well done.
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A series of haikus? Hmmmm. It's a form that I love working with, so you may see some more coming this way!
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Yeah there have been a couple poems I've written where I was alike, this idea is really great and the length is perfect, but there's more to this story. It gives you a chance to add on without necessarily hurting the original.
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This hit me straight in the feels
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I'm glad I did a good job of sharing my own feels at the moment haha
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I love how the title is incorporated into the piece, you manage to convey a lot in a very short poem. I love it.
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Thanks for your feedback! I appreciate it!
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This is perfect. Its brevity alone supplies most of its impact.
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Thank you for the feedback!
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I don't comment here much, but... ouch.
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Glad I could give you some feels!
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How did eleven words remind me of so much. Very powerful for haiku
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Why thanks!
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NAAAAIIIILED IT!
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I appreciate that, thanks!
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The emotion and depth that you've shown with haiku formatting is astounding. This hit close to home, I feel your pain. My heart always falls for people that will never feel the same.
Keep it up!
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Even in sad moments and feelings, we can find comfort in the silver linings like the poetry born or the joy of being around that person just out of reach. Thank you!
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I love a good haiku. Something about standardized restrictions force people to come up with some creative ways to articulate their ideas. Really enjoyed this one :)
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Best thing.
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Oh. My feelings. This is perfect. What are you not saying with that "really"?
Thank you!