I know that you're a very avid redditor. I have something to say, and I'll try to keep it short.

So, I have a lot of rambling to do, but I'll offer my TLDR first:

You deserved better than me. You deserve to be happy. I'm so, so, sorry for what I did.

Sigh.

Now on to the rambling. You loved me, and I kept trying to push you away. I hurt you, intentionally, over and over, in all the ways that I knew would cut the deepest.

You told me all of your fears, secrets, and insecurities, and I used them as ammunition to abuse you. I'm so sorry.

It's taken every once of willpower I have, but I haven't looked at your Facebook since the breakup. I've completely stopped drinking for a bunch of good reasons, but chief among them is this: I worry that drunk-me will have a moment of weakness and look at your FB. I can't handle what I might find.

If all goes according to plan, I will live the next five decades and never look once. It's torture to resist the urge to, but it would be far, far worse if I gave in. I hate myself. I'm so weak.

Sarah. It's not your real name, but I know it has meaning for you. I'm sorry. My one true gift to you is to never hurt you again. More than anyone I've ever met, you deserve to find happiness.

After what I put you through, I can't ask you to forgive me, and I don't expect you to. All I can say is.... I was sick, and I lashed out at the closest, most valuable person in my life: you.

If I spend the rest of my life working to help the poor and house the homeless, I may make up one ten-thousandanth of the damage I did to you. You stayed longer than any human being ever has. Thank you for loving me, and I hope you find someone who can love you the way you loved me.