Alright, I have to tell this story, but I can't tell it on Facebook 'cuz it's NSFW. You'll do! [NSFW]

This story is proof to me that life is stranger than fiction.

See, as a single guy in his late 20s, I have, ahh... certain "needs". Needs that involve certain sites, 40 ccs of Man Milk, and a sock. So as I'm fooling around... something else happens. You see, before I came back in, I'd been working out at the gym on my upper body. It has nothing to do with my legs, but just as I'm about to perform the injection of 40 ccs into an otherwise lifeless sock, I get a charlie horse! Right on my hamstring!

The good news is, I know exactly how to handle a charlie horse: Standing up, followed by plenty of water. The bad news is, it's kinda hard to do doctoral work AND stand all at the same time. So now, I gotta go clean up a corner of my mousepad.

I go and grab some disinfecting wipes and clear it off. And then I go and put stuff away when suddenly, my computer's mouse is moving by itself, opening up an old spreadsheet! For a while, I'm terrified. Onoez! Hackers! I've been computer virused! I'll never--

And then it hits me: As I vigorously cleaned my mousepad, I was rubbing all over that corner. It went haywire and just opened all the things.

There's no real punchline to this, but it all hit me how totally absurd everything was, and now I can't stop laughing! And I had to tell someone, 'cuz it's not a story I want to keep secret. Except from, y'know, family. And most people I know IRL. But I had to tell someone, so it's you!