TIFU by trying to scare my girlfriend and making her think someone broke in

Okay note: My 12 year old brother (call him "Brady") lives with us and was messing around the other day with the fuse box. At the time of the following incident he was at my grandmother's with our 22 month old girl. My girlfriend didn't know he went there as well and probably presumed he was messing around outside or down the street as always.

Note #2: A funny fake text thing my girlfriend (let's call her "Madison") showed me a year ago randomly inspired me today, that was her fuckup. Here is mine...

So I went to drop a TV off at one of our friends' house. I left the house door unlocked since my keys were already in my car and I was carrying a TV. I told Madison I'd be staying at said friend's for another hour actually to talk to said friend's brother so that she shouldn't expect me home anytime soon.

But then the picture she showed me a year back ran in my head and I decided, since she wasn't expecting me home anytime soon, maybe I should leave early to scare her...

I bought old plates and a vase off of said friend and brother's mom (this is important). I drove and parked a block away from home. I knew Madison was laying in the bedroom watching AHS. Routine. I put the plates and vase in my bookbag then snuck around the side of the house away from the bedroom window and got into the basement to turn out the fuse for a portion of the upstairs. She texted me and here's basically how it went:

Her - "Uh... Alternativespecs, the power is out up here"

Me - "Maybe it's the storm"

Her - "Its only part of the house and the storm isnt THAT bad and I am a lil worried.. usually power goes out throughout the whole house doesn't it?" (Suspicious because she's already on her toes from AHS)

Me - "Maybe Brady is being a butt and is playing with the power again.. Relax hon, I'll figure it out later."

A few minutes later I silently took the stairs up into the kitchen. I took the plates and vase I bought out of my bag and threw them on the floor to mock the sound of our shit being broken and I shifted around in the living room in a sneaky way. She texted me.

Her - "I think someone's in the house..."

"Uh I yelled and they didnt answer and they're destroying our shit......."

Me - "Don't worry... Just turn off any screens and hide... Hide in the closet!! Now!! I'm going to be there asap!!"

About ten minutes later I stomped up the stairs laughing like a maniac to add to it. I even knocked a fake plant down the stairs. I snuck through the split doorway of the bedroom so she wouldn't see me through any cracks of the closet and know it was me. I grabbed the doorknob, shook it a little, then swung the bitch open and said, "BOO MUTHAFUCKA!"

She screamed and, from the split second shock, she swung a hockey stick (which she grabbed in defense from Brady's room earlier) straight to my nether regions.

She drove me up to the hospital and now we are in intensive care as I type so I can get treatment and schedule further treatment that will decide whether or not we will be able to have more children. The damage was mostly in my penis and groin area and wasn't as bad as assumed since she was too shaky to actually swing.

TL;DR: Unless your dick is a hockey puck, don't break into your own house pretending to be a burglar or murderer.