Actively and consciously trying to ruin my own life so I commit suicide

I've been trying to lose my friends and family by insulting them and being a dick in general. I have no boundaries anymore. I want to have nothing left to hold me here so I go through with it, and if my family and friends hate me, I feel like I can finally do it, after 10 years of depression. They'd feel less sad about my death as well. Tonight I cycled the city looking for places to commit suicide (high buildings, train tracks) but I felt like it would be impolite to people who'd have to stop their commute and/or look upon my mangled body. Back home now. Tomorrow's another day.