Still a bit confused
Hey friends, I'm looking for some advice.
So, I've posted here before about issues with my sexuality, but I'm looking for advice again.
Long story short, I'm the dude who posted about having gay thoughts and feelings all through high school and first two years of college, got to the end of last semester when I started to finally explore these feelings, and then it ended up like "flipping" and I felt straight and couldn't stand gay stuff. Gay porn not doing much for me.
So, I've had some more experiences with guys. I recently moved back to campus, and I met up with a dude that I was texting for a bit, and I ended up sucking his dick for like over an hour and he played with my ass with a dildo (which hurt like a BITCH). Yesterday, he and I ended up going on a date and we made out. It was actually pretty nice and I haven't been on a date with anyone since I broke up with my ex at the beginning of the year. Later that night, I met up with a coworker who said I was cute via message and admitted was still in the closet (I got a bit excited so I made the mistake of masturbating before I went over). I went over to his place and we ended up getting naked and cuddling. We jerked each other off, and he came all over himself and I finished by rubbing myself on the top part of his butt. Needless to say it was a late night.
The problem I'm having is that I used to have really strong homosexual urges when I first started talking to guys and I put a label on myself as gay, even though I came out as bisexual this past April. Now, I'm almost convinced that I'm straight, despite the countless amount of evidence to prove otherwise. I just can't find the same excitement in physical contact in guys that I did when I first started exploring and when I used to really get off to gay porn. Now, its actually pretty hard to think about guys, but I see girls that I used to not pay attention to at all and I find them attractive. I find them very attractive and have thoughts that I really didn't have about girls before. I also have been having issues in which all of the stress of thinking that I'm anything but straight was literally making me so tired that I've taken a nap just to deal with it, or I would feel myself getting pretty oddly depressed. It kinda feels like my head is like burning a little from the inside, and its kinda irritating. When I think I'm straight, the irritating feeling goes away.
I guess my question is: am I burned out by this gay stuff? I really don't want this to be a constant thing where I find out that the really strong homosexual urges go away and the past five years of having gay thoughts and fantasies meant nothing. Like, should I just stop with meeting dudes and maybe try to embrace my straight side a little more?
Posted Aug 29, 2016, 11:41 PM UTC