My [26 F] BF [25 M/F] went on an expensive drug holiday and I can't get over it.

My boyfriend and I met during a rigorous academic program. We have had an amazing relationship and became very close. Even though our studies left little time for fun, and he was always much more tight with money than I was, we still managed to have a great time when we could. School was much harder on him (especially his mood) than on me, so I supported him daily and tried my best to be his cheerleader. He has thanked me many times for this and I know it's genuine.

We were afforded a break over the summer for the first time in years. My boyfriend went on a tour through Europe for almost the entire time, something he had planned on doing before he met me, while I stayed in the US. He asked me not to make him feel guilty for going, which I didn't, and assured me he would be in touch.

The trip ended up being an exceptionally expensive drug holiday with a tour bus of kids. He wasn't able to communicate with me much for much of it except to send me a text every few days to tell me how much he felt "whole again," how much fun he was having, and the big nights out he was having (and all the drugs that came with them).

Being at home without him was hard, especially when this person he was portraying was completely at odds with my perception of the man I fell in love with.

I think it came to a head when he completely forgot our anniversary and wasn't able to talk for days because he was in Ibiza high on cocaine and ecstasy.

Eventually, he said he "hit a wall" and began to really miss me and was in much closer contact (I left for a trip of my own, which was much tamer, and made every effort to keep in touch with him).

Now he and I are back to our austere school life. He is back to being exceptionally loving and caring, and he says he wants to travel with me in the future (which will be a long time from now, unfortunately). He came back so energized about this trip that it's most of what he wants to talk about with mutual friends (it has been some time since he returned) and he brings up his Ibiza/Spain experiences whenever he can.

I really want to get over this deep feeling of hurt that I have. My attempts to communicate with him about this haven't really gotten anywhere as I'm not being an effective communicator (he got upset that I was trying to guilt him and should just be patient to have adventures with him in the future), and honestly I really don't want to hold a grudge. Objectively, I think that young people should be free to have adventures, even though what he did was beyond what I would have felt comfortable doing on my own. He has been my best friend and I really do want to trust him again, but I still tear up when I think about it and wish it hadn't happened. Whining about being hurt doesn't seem to me to be a strategy that would have any workable solution, as what has happened has happened already and I would like to move forward.

tl;dr: My boyfriend spent most of his money on a holiday of drugs and didn't contact me. He's back and ready for us to return to normal, but I'm still so hurt and just want to get over it so we can move forward.