Where is the line between too depressed, and just depressed.

So for a brief rundown: My dad, whom was my best friend, died in December. I'm the one who found him. In March I tried to kill myself. I've sense been in recovery. I haven't been working and have been crashing on my brothers couch.

Otherwise I've done all of the work for treatment. This includes, but isn't limited to, setting up the appointments; arriving at the appointments via public transportation; attending the appointments; going to support groups; getting out of the house, attempting to eat healthy on the days I actually eat (an increasing occurrence!); handling bill payments while relying on my inheritance; handling my insurance; taking care of myself on hypomanic days (the attempt was when I was hypomanic with a PTSD + dysthemia cocktail); and it feels like these last couple of weeks I've finally begun to run out of steam.

My siblings are pressuring me to jump back into work, and I know they'll have to be a lead through the fear, but I don't feel ready. It causes dread and terror, it makes me have anxiety attacks, and the guilt of feeling those things has caused me to have breakdowns. I don't know if I'm strong or weak, or what to do.

I don't know. Am I being a coward and do I just need to take that leap? I've always been on the high functioning side of those depressed phases. I just don't know.