feeling like my time with drugs needs to end

Over the past few months, my mental health has been deteriorating. I am more depressed than I have been in a long time.

I am lazy. When life gets hard i turn to any substance I can to change my mind. It doesn't help. It just puts the problems away for a short period only to come back full force.

I am terrified. I don't remember what it's like to live drug free. I am afraid of the loneliness. I know if i decide to quit, I can no longer hang out with the friends i have because i am not strong enough to resist.

I just had a seizure. Thinking its from etizolam although I dont feel the normal withdrawals such as shakes or more anxiety than normal. Only trouble sleeping. It is so easy to find anything I need that I don't know how to remain strong.

I feel like a fucking loser. I am not moving forward in life while I watch others graduate. I'm 22 years old and suicide crosses my mind quite frequently. I have no energy and I just lay in bed all day after work. I know some people can use drugs and not have it be a problem. I no longer believe I am one of these people.

I put my family through pain and my drug use is affecting others. I don't know how to make this right. I don't know if the SSRI's will work.

I'm so afraid to be alone. And drugs are always there but I crave human interaction. I just want to be normal.

Im sorry this comes off as self pity bullshit but i have no one i can talk to. I really want this, but how do i fight my own brain?

The only positive i see in this situation is that i am realizing the problem at 22 as opposed to 26 or 30.

Has anyone has success in NA meetings? Thank you if you took the time to read this. I hope you're in a better place than me.