After multiple failed rounds of ICSI, we have decided to use donor sperm from a known donor (my wife's ex); just curious if anyone has been in (or knows couples who have been in) similar situations, and any thoughts or advice would be appreciated
Some more background is here:
But basically, my wife had two children by the ex before we met, and I adopted them when we got married. They're amazing kids, very healthy, bright, and energetic, and I love them as I would my own biological children. But when we got married, we both agreed that we also wanted more children.
After years of failure, discomfort, and heartbreak attempting to have a baby with my poor quality sperm, we are giving up on ICSI and have decided that donor sperm, with my wife's ex being the donor, makes the most sense for our family.
We both think this is the best option, since we know her ex has good genes (vs. taking a chance with an anonymous donor), so that our children will all be full siblings, and so that there's no risk any of our children will ever feel different or left out because of their race (we're white, my wife's ex is black, so our children are biracial).
The ex and his wife are both on board, and my wife is extremely excited and eager to move forward. I'm very happy to see her so happy and excited, and I'm confident that in our case this is the best option for everyone involved.
We will be going through our doctor, and the laws in our state are clear with regard to artificial insemination and married couples when both partners consent and when it's done through a doctor. And yes we will also still be confirming this with a lawyer. So, I'm not concerned about legal issues.
I'm also very confident in our relationship and trust my wife. But I still feel a bit of pain/loss and envy/jealousy, that I wasn't able to father biological children, even with advanced medical assistance (while the ex effortlessly "makes good babies"). I feel like less of a man than him. And have some insecurity about what sort of feelings my wife might have toward her ex from carrying more of his biological children. Again, rationally, I know that she loves me and values our marriage. And the ex is also happily married.
But I would still be curious what the chances are it will strengthen or rekindle any feelings she might have toward her ex? And how might pregnancy hormones affect this?
Posted Aug 30, 2016, 12:10 AM UTC