What can we do to help??? Asking people with depression...

For those struggling with depression - as the SO to you, what can we do to help? My SO is suffering through a 3 month episode now, caused by a family tragedy, and I so desperately want to do the right thing and stand by her, but it is soooo hard to understand what is right and what helps, and what is wrong... So I ask, on behalf of the other caring SO's out there - what can we do?

When you are cold, and distant, and it seems like we are an annoyance - do we give you space, just text that we are there for you, or ask you to come out and get a change of scene?

When we have a rare night out, and you are happy and beaming, but then go completely silent the next day - do we again give space or try to connect and have another evening out, because you seemed so happy?

Do we offer to help with household things - because when we do, you talk about feeling guilty and wanting us to stop - but if we stop, you seem worse...

Finally, after weeks or months, when our connection seems to be getting weaker, your texts less personal and less often - do we persevere and keep the contact going, or do we just give more space and hope you come back in a week or a month?

Such a confusing disease, on an intellectual level I understand it, but please help us to help you - give us some ideas and advice on how best we can be there for you through this, please....