I'm not dependant finally

Well it's been about 10 years and for once I'm short on words. I tend to write stories, poems, ect often but not today. I've messed with pills and been in pain management for far too long. I'm a slave, yes, to that ole poppy plant but I like it in oxy flavor. Somehow, don't even fucking ask, I tapered down and haven't touched the gods gold in 48 hours. No wd really because I tapered 15 days with kratom. Anyway I'm craving that fine crushed powder like a little fagit. My cock is hard again and music sounds good, I'm feeling guilty about my lies and manipulations too. I'm comin clean ain't I? Yep but I have a refill next week. Will I fill it and jump back in? Good lawd I hope not but who the hell knows? Can yall tell me something, encouraging or deadening that might lead me back to dependence or sobriety? My brains lyin to me, kids. I'm thinking in an old black man's voice, sorry. Fml I'm wanting that numbness. Comment, junkies, comment. I'm flickering between worlds!

EDIT: you all are helping me at a crossroads. Thank you. and people say drug addicts only care about themselves...