Blizzard white,green shoot--renaissance

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then symbolism of this is lost to me

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Bird twees; baby coos; a soft world

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This brings to mind the innocence and fragility therein these three thrice;

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Fan flickers; lights on ceiling-- gunfire lights walls

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[I sigh, as the last breaths are taken: sullen body hunched upon dresser];[my wife and children scream, but distant];[I feel guilt, but ny family is safe]

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Stethoscope’s cold touch burns a dry ice death

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[this reminds of a time i had a planter's wart iced over. not forthwith];[It reminds perfectly of intended imagery therein obtained];[thus];

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Thunder stretches skyskin outward--a pregnant belly

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[nothing of destruction such that lightning doesn't already know, but, rebirth];[nor birth do seeds of destruction such];[beautiful]

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Autumn breeze blows against my ear--lover’s whisper

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[this only leaves one question; what is the metaphor]; [i like it the mystery

Haha, I just called them Newku because it's the third set I put out this week sorry if that put you off.  I hope you enjoyed them as much I loved your last two pieces. The one I didn't comment on was good enough for me to be nervous to suggest changes.


There have been a handful of haiku cycles on here of late, and more then the others I've seen this one really feels like a set.  The tenth newku does a beautiful job of undermining the rest of them; the brevity and clarity is quickly transformed into escapism and artifice.  There's a sense of continuing imagery here - a running sense of gentleness and newness (the breeze, a baby, pregancy, the stalk of a plant) contrasted and balanced against more dangerous imagery (thunder, gunfire, deseerts, booms).  

Overall, I think this a great series of "newkus."  I wasn't familiar with the form until now but I'm definitely finding it intriguing.


Thank you, that's hugely encouraging. I often look at yours and Brendan's work to help soften my otherwise abrasive imagery. I'll try out some ghazals soon!

Go with ghazals.  Ghazals are a lot of fun.

Your haiku are simply brilliant.  They've all been constructed very carefully, with a particular eye for interesting juxtapositions.  Some of the metaphors you come up with are really imaginative and unique: the one about the pregnant belly sticks out in particular.  Only top marks from me man, I could hardly offer any advice to improve these.

Ten Newku (done w/ the form for a bit what new form should I try for fun?)