This was immensely helpful, thank you so much! :)

O man! I love a good sonnet, and it's what I've been working on almost exclusively these days so this may be right up my alley.  
  
Before I begin though, I want to say that it's commendable to try your hand at a form that requires actual structure and careful planning so you should be proud of that and be aware that it is difficult.  
  
Let's go over what is done correctly. The rhyme scheme is followed perfectly. There's some half-rhyme and off-rhyme, but it's so close that it makes sense.  
  
I notice some nice alliteration like "glinting gleam", "gray gilded", "sporadic slugs". That's all good in my opinion.  
  
If there's a serious problem with the work, it's the rhythm. All sonnets have to be in iambic pentameter. For example, these two lines are in iambic pentameter:  
  
> gray gilded breaths of some omnific god  
exhales the glinting gleam of fireflies    
  
A lot of the lines however are not. In my reading experience, I've come across many poems that haven't stuck to iamb

I really liked how you went from Golden Gate to the closing line. I wished that there were 40 more of these verses, about different things going on in the morning. It's a bit clunky in places, but when read carefully it really paints a vivid picture. 

I really enjoyed this!  The imagery is very well crafted.  I am not a "critic" but just someone who enjoys a turn of phrase.  Your descriptive language is above par.  Keep up the good work!

Sonnet