Looking at a Sunrise in Three Ways
I.
the sky is a palette
swished by a brush
mixing pink and orange;
a tenderly painted morning mosaic
II.
an apple hangs
from autumn sky,
sheltered by leaves
of crimson cloud
III.
a red sun:
the eye of a hurricane
swirling billows of dawn
Posted Oct 22, 2016, 4:20 PM UTC · edited
Each poems is more interesting than the last.
The first is sort of generic. Comparing the sun to a painting has been done and done again, though the comparison is well-done and the mosaic metaphor at the end is interesting.
The second evokes fantastic nature imagery, vestal in particular. The clouds as leaves are something I don't think many poets would think of, and the sun as an apple makes it seem fresh and ripe, but also precarious and vulnerable, as it hangs from the sky. It makes you appreciate the sun more. Needless to say it's a very interesting idea.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for violent and controversial imagery but the sun as a hurricane, the harbinger of destruction, is really fucking interesting. The clouds bend and warp at its mercy. It conjures a vivid image, and goddamn is it unique.
I'll definitely cut the first--I was a little unsure about it. But I'm glad you liked the other two! Thanks as always for the praise, I'm happy you liked them
It's not as if the first is bad, it's just not as good as the other two, so I wouldn't cut it. You're too good of a poet to make a bad poem.
Thank you so much man, that means a lot :)
An excellent poem. Wallace Stevens!!
That's a huge compliment, thank you cloud! :D
Great imagery. I especially like the last poem, where you paint the sun with an entirely different brush than the previous two. Good work.
Thank you!
Really enjoy this. Short as it may be great feelings come from each. Especially the third.
"The eye of a hurricane swirling billows of dawn." Brings a great feeling of unease, power and violence. Something at least I don't often associate with a sunset but am now looking forward to exploring. White to red, jumping flames of the surface ignite our sky, very beautiful.
Thank you, glad you liked it!
Gorgeous imagery. I particularly liked the second and third stanzas, and even more particularly the last line 'swirling billows of dawn'.
Thank you! :)