Source
r/asktrp•
Clispy

Finding balance between an alpha frame and being myself.

Maybe not the best place to post this but I would like some advice.

I'm currently seeing this girl I met from tinder, went to coffee and a bar the first time we met. A week later we went to breakfast and for a walk that ended in kissing. Now she said that she's free this Friday to hang out.

Great!

I texted her 'can't wait, I really enjoy spending time with you' . Probably too clingy but whatever I don't think I'll text her again till Wednesday or so.

It's probably my lack of abundance but I enjoy this girls company and I want to have her around. Part of me thinks I should have tried to get more sexual sooner with her and the other part of me thinks that everything is going well (yet slowly) and I need to just be cool about everything. I don't currently have an interest in spinning plates, I see myself as being on the hunt for a girlfriend. Does wanting a girlfriend over spinning plates make me a beta fag? Are girls looking for relationships on tinder or just hookups? How do you find balance between an alpha frame and being yourself?

Thanks guys.

Posted Oct 24, 2016, 6:24 PM UTC

315
cashcow1•

"Alpha" isn't someone else. It's the best version of you.

If you want a girlfriend, get one. There's nothing inherently "alpha" about fucking girls and leaving them. Just think about WHY you want a girlfriend?

Is it to enjoy her? Or are you trying to make her your purpose and mission?

3
ClispyOP•

I'm still figuring out my mission in life, and I probably enjoy the idea of a girlfriend more than I actually like this girl. Yes I do want to enjoy her, I won't bend over for her. I have a backbone and I believe I can establish boundaries well.

I mostly want companionship and a loving touch. Honestly my current lack of abundance and not having another option kinda puts all my eggs into this basket and it makes me nervous. Thanks for the advice.

1
chiefbl•

Personally, I think if you're on tinder looking for a girlfriend; You're a fucktard. Tinder is for sex, that's it. You meet the right girls elsewhere. Rarely online. Treat this girl as an experiment.

3
ClispyOP•

That's why I feel so conflicted, but I'm meeting with her this Friday and I'm working on setting up a date that ends in my bedroom. Any advice?

1
chiefbl•

Nonono. You got this all wrong. If you've been reading the main sub for long enough, you'll know that dates has to be earned. All you do now are meetups. At the coffee shop for no more than 30 mins or the park bench. The first meetup is for you to weed out crazy boring bitches. If she can't keep a 30 mins convo, she won't be able to keep a 2 hour date at a luxurious restaurant.

And logistics wise, you'll have yo use your intuition. If you see she's definitely into you, bring her back to your place. But don't ever say let's fuck unless she's grabbing your crotch already in public. I suggest you go to the main sub and search, "Fucking a girl on the first date". Yours may not be a first date, but it'll apply. Experiment, no investments.

1
ClispyOP•

I don't plan on taking this chick for dinner, just out to the local bar scene then back to my place

1
abc69•

Don't show emotions or put her on a pedestal, keep your abundance mentality, don't put her above your or other chicks, remember, she is the lucky one who get to hang out with you

2
ClispyOP•

I know this is the part I struggle with, I'm a very loving person and it's difficult to reign it in in order to be stoic and steady.

2
abc69•

I used to be the same way towards people, really loving and caring, until I had to learn how to love myself first before loving others. It may sound a little weird, but here you go:

Tell people "fuck you". When you want to discard an object or move on from a bad experience you say fuck it. Do the same with people. I was sabotaging myself helping others even if they didn't deserve it, and just saying in my head fuck him or fuck her to my boss, friends, neighbours and even my bitch sister helped to stop bad about standing up for myself. This was also around the time I started to learn how to say no to them, so the benefits were great, I stood my ground and didn't feel bad at all.

2
1Maverick1•

This is awesome dude. Here's what you do...you go out. And find out for yourself!

All of your questions can be answered with "it's contextual". There's no clear answer as to if you are a beta fag for wanting a gf, if this chick is looking for one thing or another and the balance lies within you.

The one thing you can do in order to keep ladies interested though is to keep doin you. If you want a gf, get a gf. If you find out she wants just a hookup and you don't? Next her. This will help you understand what you like and what you don't like. However, I'm just some fuccboi with a keyboard. The next thing to do is go find out for yourself!

2
ClispyOP•

Thanks dude, I get ahead of myself sometimes and I had a real negative outlook for what will happen. Mindset is everything and honestly your post reminded me that I can only control my own actions and thoughts. I can't always control outcomes, but I can always control my reactions to outcomes. Thanks for keeping me grounded. Like a bucket of water to the face. Lol.

Now to figure out what me and this girl are going to do on Friday.

1
1Maverick1•

You should throw a bucket of water in her face.

1
ClispyOP•

Only if the bucket has my dick in it

1
Redbeam100•

Personally I think you're doing good so far although yes, you should've escalated sexually earlier on. It's tinder after all.

1
SexySmexxy•

Do what you want and use tinder as a learning experience.

There's a reason it's a bit weird to activately "look for" a gf, especially on tinder, but whatever floats your boat

1