The nerve

Imma be a bit of a contrarian and say that this piece feels finished to me. I wouldn't change anything (and i'm very nitpicky).

Love the piece and the first stanza is probably my favorite part.

I get what you're trying to do here, but it's usually a bad idea to end a line with words like "the" or something that needs to be continued into the next line.

However, I do like the rhythm you have going on. Caesura is a little awkward in the first line, too. I like it, though :)

Hello there, to start off I want to say that this is a really cool poem!

The first stanza feels a little off to me, as Politicalridicule said the Caesura feels a bit out of place, and to me, the diction feels out of place with the persona; it seems odd that the same voice that says "doctor mans say the / pieces in there don't / work no more" is speaking without vernacular about a "slurring swan song".

Also, and this is nitpicky, I would love to see a caesura in the final line. I understand that this solidifies the meaning and doesn't really allow for any ambiguity as to what the "nothing" is. But to me, "feel that, nothing" works so well with the halting and disjointed rhythm that you've used throughout the poem.

Other than that, well done! I'd love to see how you choose to revise this poem.

This is nice! I love the language you used, the person and place you've created, the mouth that isn't working. I understand if you want to keep it small, but I'd love a chance to get to know this person more. But I completely disagree with politicalridicule about ending lines with "the". I really like the way your lines are broken up, it creates a nice flow as you read it.

I support the the at the end of the line :)

I do picture my acquaintances with a rural Southern dialect dropping the G on nothing, though. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUFL2GT1-2g 48-49 second mark.. though I do think she's enunciating more than usual, lol.