Heart as a container

Articulate sufferance of an exposed heart, a capsulate must unjar
be it by refined incision, or gruesome detriment-
though by this point emotions' utility is futile-
their time of revelation has withered,
it seems.

My only problem with this poem is how much you're stretching your ideas with 'fat', they can easily sit closer together. This is only my opinion, if you have a valid reason to write it the way you did, then by all means disregard what I've written.

The only reason I typed it up again is that I felt it deserved to be edited, some thought provoking ideas in so few words.

Cheers!

I think this poem suffers from using too many words that sound "clever". Using lots of words that are many syllables can come across as being pretentious and bloated. Try being a little more concise and avoid statements where you think you might be being profound because it's not actually really as evocative at it might seem.
Just my opinion of course! Everyone has different taste :)

I'm not sure if it's supposed to be formatted like that but it makes it a little difficult to read.

I feel like someone found the thesaurus tool and is abusing it at every opportunity. Diction is an important tool in any author's toolbelt. Knowing how the tone of a particular synonym can effect the greater mood of the piece is vital. This text feels very out of touch with the tone of the synonyms its using.

• articulate = clearly spoken
• sufferances = tolerances
• expose = reveal
• capsulate (nonce word) = enclosure
• unjar (nonce word) = open up
• refined = civilized
• incision = a cut
• gruesome = awful
• detriment = disadvantage

There is also some nonstandard grammar being used (either intentionally or unintentionally, it's difficult to tell, due to the off-putting diction). In plain English, the first part of this text seems to be saying nothing quite so interesting or earth-shattering that it would necessitate the bizarre jargonny text it's hiding behind. Only:

To show ones true heart, you've got to reveal it by cutting away the parts that hide it. This can be either a civilized, orderly experience or not.

I suppose that it's perhaps of mild interest that in order to see this "true" meaning, one has to be willing to strip away all the obfuscating nonsense of the bizarre synonyms. But in the end, the payoff just wasn't big enough to justify the means of arriving there.

I guess I'm just not on board with the central premise or conceit here. And it's not even clear whether or not this effect was done deliberately, or accidentally. If the former, I suggest going back and editing this somewhat to make the author's intentions clear within the diagesis of the text. If the latter, I suggest going back to the drawing board and simply writing honestly and directly without all the obfuscating, poncey nonsense.