Prayers
We're flirting over
a little death
so I bigot-roll myself
over to say-
that I died in climax
one time
I roiled all by myself-
with myself,
hands under my
never-not-there
(always there)
so I touched myself
to the thought of-
death
I screw scrawed
to thoughts of
counting the odious-
the obscene
in hospital beds,
so tightly made up
some other man's face-
on my body
and mind
I thought thoughts and
went below the belt
always for
vanquish,
for release
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5c8f3e/my_pleasure/d9vc31y/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/598h2p/two_coordinates/d9rbwt9/
Posted Nov 11, 2016, 3:17 AM UTC
48
This feels dark, very dark. Sex and death. I like the double (triple?) meaning of "We're flirting over / a little death," the French for orgasm being "la petite mort" or literally "little death," but also I get the sense the speaker is talking about literal death as well. But on a third level, perhaps figurative death, as in loss of something. And then later the idea of masturbating to the thought of death, which is quite a dichotomy.
On some level I think this is about shame, or self-loathing, connected to one's sexuality and identity. As a poem I think it works very well, it's effective, but it does make me worry about the author a bit. The intentional fallacy, I know. Be well.
Yeah, the poem was heavily based on feelings of shame surrounding sexuality, I didn't intend for it to come off as too too dark. But sometimes I don't know how to tell these things.
It was an exploration/kind of experimental... thanks for your feedback. :)
I don't see darkness as a bad thing. Reality itself is pretty fucking dark, in my opinion.
I liked the poem, if that didn't come across. It's good work. If it's an experiment, it's a successful one.
haha, well agreed on that front. I'm happy that you liked it :)